Papa's Dei: Stepfather III

When in doubt, insult your audience.  Today's film is a special film- Stepfather III.  It's not good.  It's not all that interesting.  No, what makes it memorable is the re-casting of the film's lead.  Terry O'Quinn must have said 'no,' I guess.  This TV movie features nobody of note and the whole thing just feels unnecessary.  In other words, it's Omen IV: The Awakening.  It's not quite that bad, but my point remains valid.  The plot takes some silly turns, but is otherwise a rehash of the original films.  No new twists, movie?  You couldn't have had a mysterious man appear to be the villain, but it turns out to be someone else?  You couldn't have had the new wife turn out to be crazy?  You couldn't have had the kid turn out to be evil?  Anything?  Okay, with no effort on your part, let's dig right into this nearly-forgotten mess...

To see my review of the second film, go here.

Much like The Food of the Gods, the titles give you an ominous warning of things to come...

In day-for-night view, our title character has reconstructive surgery done.  Translation: new actor.  Oh and he kills the guy in a bloody manner, setting himself up for later defeat.

 Bonus points for skipping over the whole 'escaping the prison' scene and just saying it happened.  Super lazy!

In California, the killer takes on a new identity and tries to romance a woman by way of her son.  How can you date a movie just by the clothes?  This film is how!

You know how this goes, right?  He romances the lady, acts randomly crazy and life goes on.  Anything new, movie?

Well, the new Stepson tries to figure out the truth by using his fancy com-puter and scan-ner.  That's new.  It's silly, but it's new.

Oh yeah, watch for a cameo by Scrubs/Cougar Town star Christa Miller too.

The twist in this movie is that the villain finds out that his new wife can't have kids.  Conveniently enough, a new woman shows up in town and he rents his old place to them...and begins to screw her.

What's worse- cheating on the wife or just assuming that she wants him to move in, as opposed to vice-versa?

To wrap things up, more people die- including a Preacher and the Stepfather's boss- before he turns on both women in his life.  The kid musters up the will to walk- he could do it, but mentally couldn't- and manages to knock the villain into a giant woodchipper.

Okay, so now is he definitely dead?  The End.

Are we done now?  No offense, but this movie was even more pointless than the second film.  That one had some good moments to it, but was a sequel that didn't push the narrative further.  The character didn't evolve at all & nothing was changed.  That said, I didn't expect much from the first sequel to any horror film.  I'd prefer to get something new, but I'm not surprised by the stagnancy there.  This film has no excuse.  They begin by changing things up- even if it was to just avoid jeers-, but do nothing to follow it up with.  I guess the inclusion of a second woman is a twist, but it never really goes anywhere.  It just serves to make the wife wary of him- the same thing that his comments and whistling did in the second film.  Furthermore, this film's casting is dull and listless.  The only thing notable about the new Stepfather is his eerie voice resemblance to Jeffrey Combs.  It helps if you try to just listen to the film and something more notable is happening.  The biggest problem, however, is the run-time.  At nearly two hours, this film drags.  The extra time is not used to make characters more interesting.  It just serves to add more pointless scenes or drag out other ones.  If you're going to watch a Stepfather film, watch the original.  Save for the casting, the sequel can be skipped.  This film can just be skipped entirely.  Take us away, totally not-creepy moment...

Next up, I continue to work my way through the Midnight Horror Collection, Volume 2.  I hope you find hiking to be scary!  Stay tuned...

Pappa's Day: Stepfather 2- Make Way For Daddy

Ha ha- I skipped the original!  Seriously though, what was I going to say about the original?  It's famous, people like it and Locke kills people.  Instead, I just jumped right to the only other Stepfather film featuring Terry O'Quinn and...it's pretty much the same.  I could just say 'It's Stepfather, but with Lucas from SeaQuest DSV and the evil lady from They Live' and be done with it.  It's tempting, but no.  Instead, I'll labor on through the highly-unnecessary sequel just for you.  Hell, maybe I'll get to the third film soon...but probably not.  Let's just cut the cake and watch out for...

The film begins with a 1-minute montage explaining the first movie.  On the plus side, it's not over ten minutes like Decadent Evil!  It ends with the stepfather being stabbed and waking up in a hospital.  Yeah, your heart works with a giant hole in the middle of it!  They skip over this film cheat to explain that he's serving time in a mental hospital, as opposed to a jail.  He seems to be making strides in the right direction...until he stabs the Warden with a shiv shaped like a Groom from a wedding cake.  The escape is so easy that the film doesn't show it.  Oh well- time to rehash the first movie...

With relative ease, the evil guy ends up with that evil lady from They Live.  Due to her unnatural red hair, her eyes look super-creepy.  Seriously, stop giving Meg Foster close-ups.  Oh right- the plot.  Blah blah blah, the guy bonds with the guy from SeaQuest DSV and The Neverending Story: Part II blah blah blah they are happy.  The only thing that could break up the happy couple is the arrival of the ex-husband.  After spending five minutes setting up the obvious, the guy gets killed by 'Locke' and his body disposed of.  You know, there are prints everywhere, so you're going to get caught.  Plus, you whistle a lot, which is a major plot point.  No, really.

As the wedding approaches, problems arise.  For one, a woman in the neighborhood gets too close to the truth.  To put a stop to this, our villain chokes her to death, plants her body in a noose and then types up a suicide note.  Seriously, you're leaving fingerprints everywhere!  Unless this movie takes place in the 15th Century, you should have already been caught.  The wedding nearly happens, until Ms. Creepy-Eyes connects the 15 random plot threads and realizes that he's a murderer.  They have a fight, which oddly has lots of shots of the woman being tossed into hard objects.  'Lucas' tries to save the day and ends up stabbing the stepfather.  Oh no- he's dead now.  It's not like the series will just cheat again and have him survive for one more film and then a remake a decade or so later.  The End.

I feel like this movie was already made once.  The plot of this movie is, well, predictable.  The stepfather guy finds a new family and ultimately tries to kill them.  I get that it's the basic premise, but maybe you could mix it up a little.  You could throw in a sub-plot with mobsters or something.  I'm not asking for a lot- just an attempt!  They don't.  We only get a few real kills in the movie, which is apparently because we needed to leave room for scenes of the stepfather giving therapy to some suburban housewives.  Ha- it's funny because...wait, why are these scenes in the movie?  Plus, all the bits of him and the kid getting along are really just pointless, aren't they?  I mean, we know he's a killer, so it's not designed to throw us off guard for later or anything.  On the plus side, it has inappropriate scenes of a woman being beaten up, so it is good for some dark humor.  Ultimately, the film is just pointless, offering nothing new and just treading water.  You're in good company now, alongside films like Damien: The Omen II- hurray!

Next up, Real vs Fake Week begins properly with a much-hyped 'fake documentary horror' film.  Will it be a good film or just insult the memory of Marjoe Gortner?  Stay tuned...