Tubi Thursday: Morgan- Killer Doll

 A final Asylum Film- finally!

To close out the Month, let's pivot to their rip-off of MEGAN, just in time for the Sequel to (sadly) bomb in Theaters.

This Doll is not in this Film.

A young woman is a bit crazy and just killed her abusive Dad.

A young woman is troubled, raised by her widowed Dad after an accident.

The former confesses her love via letter and her friends make fun of it.

The girl douses herself in gasoline and burns herself.

The nice girl is left with...this...doll...

The doll comes to life and gets revenge on the people who wronged the dead girl.

Just kidding- she kills this Black Housekeeper who just showed up in the last Scene.
Her body is never shown or mentioned again.

I should also mention that Michael Pare plays the nice girl's Dad.  He's sitting down in 95% of his Scenes and the first time we see him walk around, he gets attacked.

Sitting was a good idea, Michael!

The doll kills a few of her friends.

This one has a twist, so I'll hide it a bit for you.  Highlight below if you want to know...

The Doll is actually the girl, who faked her death via fire.  Just like The Boy.

Who will survive this land of death, interiors and L.A. B-Roll?
To find out, stream it now.

A Film that promises so little and delivers just that.

Fair play- you didn't make a Killer Robot Girl.  She doesn't dance.

That said, you didn't do anything that's actually clever or original with this.
It's all cliche.

Hell, this one gave me flashbacks to The Jolly Monkey- a different Rip-Off you did. 
That and that Elves Movie with no Elves in it (or Dan Haggerty).

This Film is just full of things that almost sound deep, are almost interesting and don't really subvert things.  Did I really expect the Cop who appeared in literally one other Scene to save the day?

Of course not.

Hell, this Film didn't even appear to shoot its Cemetery Scene in an actual Cemetery.  They showed B-Roll of one and then pointed a camera up from the ground at the Actors standing around a wreath of flowers.

A Film that could have tried to do literally anything different or clever.  Ironically, the Film they were piggybacking on did just that (but nobody but me liked it for it).

Tubi Thursday: Jurassic Reborn (2025)

 Let's jump from Fox/Disney properties over to Universal ones.

When we got Jurassic World: Rebirth in Theaters, we got this at home...

On an Island somewhere, people started making baby Raptors- as you do.

They grew too fast, however, because something something Science and now everyone needs to escape.

Our Heroes must flee from usually-off-camera Raptors to get outside and then- hopefully- to the mainland.

En route is the bad guy- Adam Baldwin- and he's here to collect the Dinosaurs.

Since they never did it for their Jurassic World 1 rip-off, he's going to sell them as weapons.

Please enjoy the one docked boat they Film in front of.

Our Heroes get split up and we learn that one of them is a traitor, selling them out to Baldwin.

It's the guy here, which is different from Jurassic World: Rebirth...

...since that guy WAS the main Villain (aka Baldwin), but also went on the Island and dressed nearly identical.

This is what happens when you see a Trailer and go 'Make that, but cheaper!'

On the plus side, their lone Raptor model looks good.

Can our Heroes escape the Island?
How likely is it that Baldwin gets eaten?

Will they introduce a 2nd kind of Dinosaur?

To find out, stream it now.

They are up to 12 feet long, depending on the Scene.

A pretty so-so affair, but at least it's not false advertising.

Obviously, any fan of The Asylum (or at least someone like me) knows that they can do CGI Dinosaurs with relative ease, so no need to cheat.

The Plot is pretty basic and it does the same few tricks over and over again.

Imply Raptors behind doors/around corners (because CGI ain't cheap).
Cut from Actors to full CGI shot of somewhere and hope that we think that they are connected.
Raptors that only slowly walk up or leap at you.

Melodrama milked by having people left behind/sacrificing themselves.

Was Rebirth a great Film?  Not really, but I don't hate it either.
Is Reborn a great Film?  Objectively no, but it's so middle of the road that it doesn't stand out.

It's pretty average and the kind of Film that would just film its Actors in, say, The Asylum's Parking Lot and hope that you don't notice.

Why does the Secret Lab have paved spots and Reserved Parking Signs?

A Film that isn't great, but does give you what you'd expect.  If you're expecting anything amazing or unique, go elsewhere.

Tubi Thursday: Alien Rubicon (2024)

 After The Asylum's Predator Film was only so-so, how about their Alien Film?

As long as we get some low-budget Xenomorphs, I'm good!

A Scientist is preparing to go on Vacation with his kids.

A stop at the Observatory, however, leads to a UAP sighting and he's dragged into it.

A big, metal ball of a ship lands by New York and starts moving.

Picture Katamari Damacy, but not fun or whimsical.

It appears to be invulnerable to any weaponry.

It blasts any vehicle that gets near it.

Meanwhile, our Hero is flying around in a Helicopter with the Star of Ballistica and Mega Piranha.
Joy.

Can our Heroes find a way to stop this floating Pachinko Ball?

Will the folks over at CERN help?

Will shooting it somehow do a damn thing?

I mean, obviously not on that last one.

Now, about those Xenomorphs.  What do you got?

Sure- 10 seconds of that is enough.

Wow, this sure...wasn't what you were promising.

Scroll back up and look at that Poster again...

...and back to me now.
That's a creature not in this Film.
There's not even like a single shot of it as, for instance, the Leader of the Aliens.

Sadly, the bar for them is so low that I would have accepted that.

Instead, we get a pretty boring tale of President Michael Pare in a bunker (he's only ever in one), Ballistica Guy making constipated faces, Scientist guy alternating between pitching ideas and calling his kids & occasional shots of the ball.

A rush to a Third Act Climax does not make up for things.

When your Film is 40% Ballistica Guy making faces in an obviously fake Helicopter Rig, 20% a ball shooting lasers and 40% people pitching ideas to stop said ball, you're not doing well.

Imagine if they gave this thing an actual Premiere! 

A Film somehow less exciting and inspired than the last one.  There's a hint of a good idea hidden somewhere, but it's trapped inside a metaphorical big, round object. 
What do you call those again?

Tubi Thursday: Predator - Wastelands

 It's Mockbuster Month over on Tubi Thursdays this September.
Heaven help the idiot who came up with this idea!

To start us off, here's The Asylum's...

I guess you can't copyright 'Predator,' eh Mr. Hansen.

A Not Predator (called Alien Predator in Subtitles) lands on a strange Planet.

It's definitely not just the California Desert.

A maligned group of people- all 4 of them- live under the thumb of a bad guy.

The NP kills two bad guys, but is wounded.

The villain- Baywatch's David Chokachi- is mining gems that, you'll never guess this, also power the NP's weapons/gear.

He's a bad guy and spends as much time as possible in the singular Cave Set.

The NP eventually steps into action once again to save them, as the crystals revive/heal him.

And so begins his gradual journey to help them...sometimes.

Unlike the Film they copy, this creature never talks until the very end, so we have zero connection to this mute giant in foam rubber.

Big finale time and the NP takes off it's helmet/mask for what I can only assume is the Trailer's money shot.

It defeats the bad guys and decides that it has found a new Home.

Also, this is Earth.  It's not important to anything, but yeah, it's Earth.

The End.

A Film that definitely tries to be something bigger than it really can be.

I have a theory that The Asylum makes a Script in 3 Parts.

1) Write Script
2) Realize it is too expensive to Film
3) Cut every corner and hope it still delivers

All of this is on display as we get copy-paste minions for group shots, some possibly AI imagery, talk of a Resistance Uprising...that turns out to be 2 people.

Hell, we never see any of the Villages that 'dot the land' until one random shot of (seemingly) AI people for like 2 seconds.

They do have a decent Story, Chokachi is fun to watch as he often overacts Nic Cage-style and they have some good effects.

If they could just make them all come together at some point, I'd be happy.
Unlike this guy, who just realized that you ripped of his Trailer Shot for your own...

A Film that is not truly terrible, but it kind of drags.  There are decent ideas and people behind the Scenes...that just can't make it more than a so-so affair.

Tubi Thursday: Road Wars- Max Fury (2024)

 I can't be bothered to even give this my Max Fury, to be honest.

It's a Film by The Asylum.
You probably guessed that.

Is it any good though?

This is possibly a Sequel to 'Road Wars,' but don't worry about it.

A small group of survivors in a vaguely post-apocalyptic world kick out a bad guy (Vernon Wells) for what he did.

Of course, that just means making him go like 10 feet away...and he just shoots one of them.

5 years later, the children of that guy are living with a Stepmom and, well, the most useless survivor.

They bicker, since young people in a Film, and don't agree on what to do.

The bad guy is apparently still just kind of hanging around this small stretch of (I assume) California desert they live in.

He now has face paint like Mr. Fuji managing Demolition and a small crew of men still looking for the rest of those who 'wronged' him.

The Stepmom and guy (Egon?) are pretty useless, with the latter getting wounded and just kind of laying around for 90% of the Film.

The lady does kill a bad guy or two but then (softly) falls over after firing her gun.

I think she's supposed to be sick, but it just looks sad.

Now it is up to the young ladies to get medicine and save the day!

Can they survive the (tiny stretch of California) wasteland?
Will Wells get his revenge?

To find out, stream it now!

It's not the worst Film, but it is far less than advertised!

Are there Road Wars in Road Wars: Max Fury?  Yeah...no.
People drive cars slowly on desert roads until you get one car pushing another in the climax.

Wasteland action?  Well...a little.
Generic guys in generic Wasteland Attire mostly go down in one shot and have no characteristics.

The Wasteland is just the California Desert, save for (literally) a 10 second CGI shot of a knocked over car.

So is there nothing good here?

Honestly, the Acting is alright, it's nice to have Female Leads (the redeeming thing about their Jumanji rip-off) and they do clearly have a little bit of a story here.
Wells tries his best to be menacing at, well, nearly 80 years old.

This isn't a terrible Film, but it is also NOTHING like what it promises to be.

This guy would not be pleased...

A Film that could have been some ridiculous nonsense.  Unfortunately, they didn't try too hard and got, well, this.

Rip-Off Cover Art: Beast of War (2025)

 This Australian Shark Film was fun.

I mentioned the connections between this Film and Jaws.

Well, someone selling the Film on DVD/etc. didn't think it was quite enough.

So that's how we got this...

Apologies for the low quality.

That's just the Shark from the Jaws Poster.

Come on, now!

FYI this is not a bootleg or anything (as far as I can tell).

This is the same picture (in slightly better quality) from a DVD release...

Has Copyright law changed without me finding out?

I don't think so...

Tubi Thursday: The Jolly Monkey (2025)

 A deluge of Stephen King Adaptations in Film was upon us last year.

As such, we got a Mockbuster or two.

This is...

Welcome to the Jolly Monkey Motel.

In our Cold Open, a Family in 1975 goes there and is killed.

In the Present day, its owners are now dead and the relatives are arriving.

The Granddaughter of the Owners arrives first with her Cliche Loser Brother.

They look around the place, seeing the creepy sites before the others arrive.

Key amongst the things to see are these Monkey Dolls, which now have leather faces sewn onto them.

That's not an immediate red flag, since the Movie has to happen.

Does this Monkey resemble the title Character of that Stephen King Film?

Yes.

That one was about a strange force killing people in elaborate ways Final Destination-style.

This is about a masked killer dressed up in a monkey suit.

I take back everything I ever thought about you, Primate.  I'll give you a chance now.

Can the family escape the wrath of the man-sized monkey?

Will they figure out the mystery of the Motel?

Will this be kind of disappointing?

To find out, stream it now.

Positives first- this is only a rip-off in the sense that it tries to trick you into thinking that it is the real thing.

Unlike many of these Mockbusters, the Plot isn't exactly the same/the best guess as to what happens in the original.
It is, for better or worse, a different tale with its own Plot.

That said, the Plot isn't great.  It's not the worst though.

I won't SPOIL the killer reveal, but I will say that your expectations are going to be better than the actual result.
If everything was just crazy magical/cursed, I'd be happier.

With that not being the case, that kill I teased earlier by the car raises about 42 important questions that will not be answered.

It is far from the worst idea, but its execution leaves lots to be desired.
And now, they can't be sued over the doll, since they used a real one...

A Film that starts out decently enough and builds up alright.  Sadly, the payoff is not nearly as jolly as I'd like it to be.

Tubi Thursday: ROB1N (2025)

What happens when you rip off a Movie whose Sequel underperformed?

Well, let's hope people still care.

This is...

In a Flashback Scene, a kid kills a bunch of people at his Birthday Party.

See- I was never that bad, Dad!

His name is Robin.

A few Decades later, an old man makes a boy robot.

Why we aren't just making Johnny 5's is anyone's guess.

His name is Rob1n.

A young man with a secret to hide has just gotten engaged.

He tells his new Fiance that he wants to make peace with his long-estranged Uncle.

They go to visit him and stay in his House.

His name is NOT Robin.

Despite clearly not being to actually move on-screen, the titular robot goes around killing people in the House, from the Staff to Cops.

Who will live?
Who will die?

Will this at least be better than a Robert the Doll Film?

To find out, stream it now.

A pretty lackluster ripoff in look and overall execution.

To be 100% fair to this Film, they don't rip off the Plot of MEGAN...much.
They rip off the Plot of different Films and just market it as a rip-off of MEGAN.

Much different!

The Acting and overall presentation of this one isn't bad.  It feels slightly more professional than many of the recent UK Horror Films I've seen.

That said, ROB1N here is a decent, but clearly fragile animatronic.  It never moves while fully shown on screen.  Hell, it never moves while HALFWAY being shown on screen.

When your Killer Doll/Robot can't actually kill, what's the point?

It's alright, but I think my renewed look at The Outer Limits will bring better Boy Robot fare...

A Film with a few interesting Scenes and it's not a total rip-off.  That said, it isn't that interesting either- even as its own thing.