Shudder Day: Wolfkin (2022)

 Busy weekends have left no time for Shudder.

Let's make up for lost time with a freaky French Film...again.

This one is lupine.

In a Cold Open (in more ways than one), a lady is dumped by her boyfriend when he can tell that she's pregnant.

She apparently never sees him again and is now going to have to raise that kid...

As a Chef, whose life is even less glamorous than The Bear makes it out to be.

He Son is starting to act strange, apparently scratching one kid and then biting another.

What can she do?

How about her supportive Boyfriend?  Can he help.

This is a Horror Film- a French one at that!- so you know that won't work.

No SPOILER, but you know that something bad will happen to this poor guy at some point, don't you?

Desperate, she tracks down the bebe papa's Parents for help.

The Dad- who looks like French David Lynch- and Mom haven't seen her former lover either, but will help her with the kid.

Of course, there's lots of strange goings on at the House in short order.

The kid acts up.
The kid is put back down in strange ways.

The kid is told that he can't hunt with Grandpa.
The kid sneaks out with him anyhow.

The kid seems to be changed by the experience.

Is it the people?
Is it the place?
Is it something he ate?

Can she save her Son from himself?

Will the actual Title- Communion- factor into the Plot?

To find out, stream it now.

A good Film, even if it is really dreary and bleak.  Don't watch a Film like this after a long, hard day unless you're in the mood for even less pleasantness!

That said, the Film is well done.
I can appreciate a Film, even if it isn't my usual taste.

The Film presents a solid Heroine, a tough situation and even tougher solutions.  How far could you go for your kid?
How do you know which solution is right?
What if being nice and good won't fix things?

This is one of those Film that demands you pay attention to spot little details, from a look by the Maid to a throwaway line in the first 20 minutes that really factors into the 3rd Act.

I won't SPOIL things (more than the Poster sort of does), but you do eventually get some of that action you're looking for.  The Plot always comes first.

Wolfkin is a treat for people who like the darker, more complex Horror Films that don't pull their punches.  If that's your thing, France is your Country!

A Film that is bleak, sometimes tough to watch and damn good.  I'm in no rush to watch it and feel a bit depressed again anytime soon, but I don't regret picking it.

'80s Class: The Legend of Billie Jean (1985)

 Another holdover from Christmas found its way to the top of the pile and got a watch.

This is The Legend of Billie Jean, a 1985 Comedy/Drama.  It features Helen Slater, her (you would think so, but not really) 'brother' Christian (whatever happened to him?) and a few other notable names like Dean Stockwell. 
When I say 'Peter Coyote,' does a face come to mind?

To be fair, he's made a great career as a Narrator and Voice-Over Artist, working for stuff like Ken Burns' Documentary.  He's also a Zen Priest, so good for him.

The Film also features Yeardley Smith aka the voice of Lisa Simpson.  Does watching her talk in her normal voice- which is also her Lisa voice- get distracting in 2025?  Kind of.

The Plot involves a group of people- specifically Billie Jean, of course- who end up on the run from the law for something pretty dubious.  When they become Folk Heroes, things take a few interesting turns.

This one did get a Blu-Ray release, albeit one with no Menus and only Audio Commentary as a bonus.  Will this Film hold up as it approaches its 40th Anniversary?

To find out, read on...

It is Texas.
It is 1985.

Billie Jean, her Brother and her two friends are living in a Trailer Park.

Things aren't great for them.

A guy named Hobie steals their moped and then wrecks, beating up the Brother in the process.

Their Mother is not a help in any way.

They go to the Dad  of the boy with the bill and he seems to want to pay it...until he lures Billie Jean upstairs and tries to force himself on her.

He ends up getting shot with his own gun by accident when Christian handles it.

They flee, thinking that nobody will believe them.

Well, nobody- save Peter Coyote- seems to.

They try to hide out, quickly finding out that they are wanted...but also can't afford to leave the State.

They end up at an 'empty house' that is actually occupied by a friendly guy (the guy from Christine and Back to School).

He lets them stay and wants to help them spread their message.

Inspired by a Movie about Joan of Arc, Slater cuts her hair before creating a video message.

'Fair is fair.'

She's less Joan of Arc and more Mel Gibson from Payback though, as she just wants the money and an apology (for the assault and attempted rape).

Hiding out on the road, the group soon see that their message resonates with all of the young people.

They agree- Fair is Fair.

With their help, they manage to stay ahead of the law (empowered by the fact that the guy is the son of the District Attorney Dean Stockwell).

The would-be assailant, meanwhile, is merchandising the hell out of Billie Jean.

In the End, she gets her money and the guy loses all face value (as well as the merchandise that just burned down).

The End.

A Film that honestly resonates more than it has any right to.

For the record, I am not nor have I ever been a teenage girl.  I was a teenager in *cough*the90s*cough*, but not this decade.  It was given to me by my Niece and/or Grand-Niece, so hopefully it worked for them too.

So, a Film that was designed to really resonate with teenagers (especially girls) in a time that I was neither is an impressive achievement.

The Film manages to feel real by being just a little bit gritty.  It is about people who are ''80s poor' (so trailer parks, but never homeless), which helps things.

The Soundtrack is great, featuring Pat Benatar, Billy Idol and more.  I'm sure it was a great selling cassette in '85.

Slater really nails this role and, honestly, she deserves more credit than she gets.  Maybe give her a second (or third) look.

If nothing else, the Film showed how popular the Scooter she rode was.  Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines rode them in a Film the very next year!

Next up, another random Film is on board.  Have I not decided or am I being sneaky?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Castle of Bloody Lust/Castle of the Creeping Flesh (1968)

 I've spoken before about how the most salacious Titles can lead to the most disappointing of Films.

Is this one of them?

Let's find out...

A group of rich folks are hanging out, drinking and just generally being unpleasant.

A pair of them decide to leave the party (and the woman's fiancée- who is chasing other women TBF) and ride off on horseback.

Sure- why not?!?

They go with some others and drink at, well, a different place.

One of them wanders off abruptly and the group splits up.

They all end up at a Castle which the Host (the guy above) said not to go to.
They just do it anyhow.

What is all of this have to do with the random shots we're getting off people seemingly doing surgery for hours on end?

Does it just add gore to the Film?

Yes.

They are greeted by German Nick Offerman (the Butler/whatever) and the Duke (Howard Vernon).

He's all sorts of weird, especially when their blond friend shows up.
He thinks he looks like his dead Daughter.

First on the tour, a display (with sounds?) of 3 guys abusing this lady.  Fun?

This one just kind of muddles on and on.

At one point, the guy below is attacked by a (man in a) bear (costume).

Another one of the group wanders around the Basement for a ludicrous amount of time.

It all ends with Vernon bringing his Daughter back (apparently) and then accidentally killing her again (and then the guy).

Cool.

Also what?  How?  Why? When?

Is this...is this a Parody?  Satire?

The Film is just all kinds of weird and I kind of wonder how much of this was done in post-Production for the most recent release.

The Film has a new(ish) release with digital credits.  Did they add in the cheesy Soap Opera music?
Maybe...but maybe not.

I like Gothic Films.  I like 'dreamlike' Films.

This kind of gives them both a bad name.

It is just confusing, meandering and full of accidentally silly bits.

If you're here because of the salacious Title, there is very random nudity, but not much blood.

It is just so beguiling in all of the wrong ways and boring in other ways that it almost makes you yearn for death.  Oh, there he is!

A Film that I think really meant something to at least one of the THREE Writers (including Jesus Franco).  Whatever that was, however, was lost somewhere in the mail.

Rip-Off Cover Art: Popeye the Slayer Man (2025)

 I'm not on board with the whole 'Character is Public Domain- Make them a Horror Villain' trend.

That said, I can't ignore it.

As such, I checked out the Trailer and then the Cover Art for the one about Popeye...

Why does this feel familiar?

Am I just reaching here?

Am I a...

I mean...you see it too, right?

*blows pipe*

I'll see myself out.

Fairly Tale: The Huntsman- Winter's War

 Are you ready for lots of Backstory?!?

If so, you're the Audience for today's Film- The Huntsman- Winter's War, the 2016 Sequel to the 2012 Film.  Of course, you notice what's missing from that Title.

There's no Snow White in this Snow White Sequel- save for a random Stunt Double's Cameo.  Weird.

This is from the rich tradition of such Sequels as Clyde: Origins, Frost vs. The World Crime League and Deadpool.

Wait- one of those is real.

The VFX Director- Cedric Nicolas-Troyan- steps up to Direct.  Will he have an affair with a Lead too?  He's since gone on to Direct...one other Film in 2021.

Bad omens.

Is this a Sequel that deserves more love or one that needs to get nuked for another 30 seconds to defrost?  To find out, read on....

Remember the Evil Queen Ravenna?

She's back...in a Flashback Scene.  Otherwise, you know, she's dead.

The Film- with Liam Neeson narrating- dumps a whole bunch of new backstories that are adjacent to the other Film, including a new Villain, the origin of the Huntsman and some retcons.

We learn that he was kidnapped by the Queen's Sister- Freya- who gained her ice powers when- let me check my notes- her Husband BURNS THEIR BABY TO DEATH IN ITS CRIB!

Damn!

She makes her own child army like some sort of African Warlord, which goes on until the now-adult Hemsworth here.

Him and a lady Soldier (Jessica Chastain) fall in love, which is a big no-no.

Freya doesn't believe in love- understandable- and makes them fight the other Soldiers when they plan to leave.

Freya puts a wall of ice between them and Hemsworth sees her stabbed to death.

He's supposed to be killed by the Soldiers, but they spare him (thus setting up how he is in the last Film).

Back in the Present, it has been 7 years since the last Film happened.

For some reason, the Magic Mirror is now suddenly tormenting Snow White('s double).

The Prince- in his one Scene- sends Hemsworth to find the mirror, which was being transported through the Woods and now is missing.

Along the way, he teams up with Nick Frost's Dwarf, Frost's Brother, two Lady Dwarfs and...his dead Wife?!?

Yeah, she wasn't dead.  They basically say that the ice wall showed them lies (she saw him run away in fear).

Speaking of not dead, it is supposed to be a big twist that Theron returns via the Magic Mirror...but she's in every piece of promotional material and Trailer.

Can she be stopped?
Can Freya turn over a new icicle?

I mean, you can guess, right?

A Film that is genuinely not terrible, but does have many issues.

The biggest one was actually addressed by Hemsworth later- the Tone.  He plays the Film like a mix of a fun Action Star (getting comically beaten up and doing one-liners) and a dour man.  It is more of the former this time.

The problem- him (and Nick Frost) are pretty much alone in that.  Everyone else plays this somber and serious.

Does that work?  No.

Visually, the Film does look nice.  The CGI looks a bit nicer, but also more obvious (if that makes sense).  Everyone has their own aesthetic, even if Chastain's is dark black.

The Plot is a bit of a mess, with the mix of Flashbacks, retcons and a finale which is about the same Villainess from the last Film.

I guess she's exempt from the 'only the fairest in the land can stop her' rule since she was revived via the Mirror.

For better or worse, the first Film had a consistent look and feel.

The Sequel is a big shiny mess that is also randomly bleak at times with no warning.

At least Charlize got practice for all of those Perfume Ads she does these days.

Next up, a return to my *physical* Film collection.  What will I dig up next?  Stay tuned...

Tubi Thursday: Snow White and the 7 Samurai (2024)

 Let's stick with the 'Updated Fairy Tale' Theme here and go to an old enemy...I mean, friend (?)- The Asylum.

Will this 2024 Snow White Film work where- apparently- Disney's did not?

Let's find out...

In Present Day Los Angeles, a Drug Kingpin (Eric Roberts) has a Daughter who wants him to go legit.

This is rendered moot when he's killed in literally the first 5 minutes.

Whoops.

Why is she called 'Snow White,' you ask?
Because her Dad was a COCAINE Kingpin.

No, really.

In the wake of his death, she gets the empire, but the Wife sends a (hunts)man to kill her.

Is that...B.A. breaking bad?!?

She survives, of course, but now the Wife is working to take over the whole Empire!

You know- his Kingdom!

Our Heroine is saved by a woman who turns out to be part of a group of Lady Samurais (with about 2 Asians in the group of 7) who call themselves Omninusha.

The Close Captions don't agree, as it always comes out as Onee-Musha.

They are the remains of an elite group of fighters and defenders of peace.

They are shadows.
They are the night.

They are...kind of bad at this.

I'll spare you the Plot Twist this one time.  Sorry, not sorry.

The Wife is an expert fighter and fends off the other Omnimusha.

How?

She was one herself!

Where have I seen that exact Plot Twist with an elite group of female fighters before?

Can they stop her?

Can Snow White get her revenge?

To find out, stream this one now.

A pretty silly Movie that plays it 1,000% straight.

Consider the Plot- heretofore unknown Elite Samurai must stop an expert Fighter from taking over the Drug Cartels alongside a lady who has only trained with them for like a week.

Does that sound silly?  Yes.
Do they think so?  No.

Positives- there are some good fight Scenes, and they do mine some decent pathos out of this one.  It's not much, but the one-on-one fights are somewhere between a Direct-to-Streaming Film (like this) or stuff that tries to be John Wick.

The Pacing is the big issue as the middle is taken up by 'Let's Train Snow White' for ages.  It wasn't a great choice or execution.

Beyond just a silly pun Title, this one is alright, but not much more.  Speaking of that Title, it's one so old and obvious that even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon made it when I was a kid!

A pretty so-so Film with some decent fights and action.  It's just too bad that the same effort didn't go into the Script and Production Values that went into the sparring.

Fairly Tale: Red Riding Hood (2011)

 Never has a Tagline said so much as this...
'From the Director of Twilight.'

Look- dunking on Twilight is easy.  It's also fun.
That said, the Film led to many similar Films being greenlit and this sure is one of them.

A year before Snow White and the Huntsman AND Mirror Mirror, this one told an 'updated' version of a Fairy Tale.

Only it doesn't.  Little elements exist, but it is not REALLY that tale.

To find out how a Film about a little girl in peril in the Woods became a Twilight-style love-triangle Horror Romance, read on...

The Film tells the tale of a Village in the middle of the Woods.

They sacrifice their livestock to feed a dangerous Wolf from the nearby Woods.

Our Heroine- Amanda Seyfried- is caught in a love triangle between, say it with me, the Safe but Boring Hunk and the Dangerous, Bad Boy Hunk.

Things get worse when a human victim of the Wolf is made.

It is Seyfried's Sister!

This will both make more and less sense by the End.

They go out to kill the Wolf and one of the men dies.  Do you care which one it is?

They celebrate...until Gary Oldman comes in to kill the buzz.

He's a Werewolf Hunter (not the Film) and tells them that the Werewolf is Within (also not the Film)!

The creature attacks again shortly, wreaking havoc in the middle of Town.

It is oddly similar to the Scene with the Romani in The Wolfman from a year earlier.  Hmm...I wonder...

In the middle of things, the Wolf (which is giant-sized a la Twilight) talks to Seyfried via...telepathy.

Weird.

Throughout the Film, they try to justify casting Julie Christie and giving her nothing really to do.

She appears in a few Dream Sequences (thanks for that pointlessness) and apparently is led by a random line to investigate the Wolf.

Oh and she lives out of Town, not that it factors much into the Plot.

Seyfried is pressed to confess to 'witchcraft' and is used as bait for the Wolf.

Oh and a mentally handicapped guy is killed for no reason.  Joy.

Will she be the next victime?

No, she's saved thanks to a complicated plan involving her Dad (aka Mustache Dad from Twilight) and both would-be boyfriends.

One vanishes during the events, making him a suspect.

EIGHTY MINUTES IN, she finally puts on the Hood and goes into the Woods to Grandma's House.

It's a trap!

Just like the Story (for once), the Wolf killed her.

Unlike the Story, the Wolf is actually her Dad.  He killed his Daughter...when he found out that she was not his.

The Bad Boy Hunk rushes to save the day, but gets bit before the Dad is killed.  Now he'll turn (like this Film).

Depending which Version you watch (as this was released TWO TIMES on DVD/Blu-Ray), Seyfried either waits for him to return...or waits for him to return with his baby.

The End.

Honestly, how is this even an Adaptation of the Story?

I'm all for playing with the Story or deconstructing it.  You can do weird stuff with a Wolf/Werewolf Film.
Here are literally three different examples.

You could do a weird or dark Film based on Red Riding Hood without changing 90% of it.  The 10% that is accurate involves her eventually wearing the Hood and saying the famous lines...in a Dream Sequence.

That's it.

Make a weird YA Romance involving Wolves or whatever.  Just don't make it based on a famous Tale and change all of it.

When Gary Oldman can't save you, things are bad.

It is not nearly the worst one of these, but it is VERY forgettable.  It's only been 2 days and blanking on Plot Points already.

Take us away, Shot that proves how much you aren't Twilight...

Next up, let's hop back to the tale of the Huntsman...but not Snow White.  This one is either a Prequel, a Sequel or both.  Nobody knew then and I'll find out now.  Stay tuned...