Movies are often rife with stupid or way too convenient moments. What happens when a movie is only those stupid moments though? This is the case today in...
Sirens
The movie, in a short summary, is about evil, monster hookers. Before you rush off to rent it, hear me out. This movie sucks. It sucks long, hard and in the most conveniently-lazy way possible.
First off, this is not a real movie. It is a short film. Clocking in at roughly 35 minutes, it is shorter than Hulk vs. Wolverine, one of TWO movie released on a single disc by Marvel and aimed at kids. Any random episode of Law & Order is longer (42 minutes). In a way, this is a blessing.
Second, there is no nudity. Well, one guy is nearly naked, which is actually worse than just teasing the male population of the world. It's like making a film about strippers and having no nudity from the ladies. I'm looking at you, Closer and Sin City.
This is the plot. A trio of businessmen are celebrating the raises they got from firing half of the crew. They hire some hookers based on the suggestion of a lady cop (don't ask). Meanwhile, the lady goes to see her Iraq War veteran friend at his job as a restaraunt host. He is fired by his boss, who just happens to be one of the three businessmen. It only gets worse.
Two of the men leave their friend behind with the hookers (no explanation is given) and head home. One of them runs into a pair of women in the hallway and goes home with them. The other is pulled over by, wait for it, the lady cop from earlier. That's convenient.
The lady hookers tie up the businessman for some 'fun.' This leads him to being eaten. Big surprise. The lady cop arrives downstairs, bringing the other businessman with her. He is going along with her, despite not breaking the law earlier and despite her being off-duty. Smart guy. As it turns out, the lady is one of the evil monster hookers as well. They explain that the third businessman was eaten after the others left. That's convenient.
That is lazy and stupid screenwriting there. You take a seven or eight person cast and make them all meet in some 'cosmic coincidence.' I tell you what, movie. Let's not meet up again, no matter how ironic it may be.
More stupid writing on the way. Stay tuned...
No comments:
Post a Comment