Poor Bastards of Cinema: Prom Night (2008) {Part 2}

 Another body for the pile in the Prom Night Remake.

About halfway through the Film, the Manager finally realizes that the Head Maid (see the last induction) is still missing.

He calls of one of his Employees to go looking for her.

He goes upstairs looking for her and actually crosses paths with the killer.

Just keep going, man.  
Just
Say
Nothing!

He doesn't.

He asks the guy and he says that she is 'in the Room.'

He has to know that this is wrong...but he goes in.

He gets grabbed and killed...by Editing, since this is the PG-13 Cut.

Why did this guy have to die?  He was looking for the lady, but you could just lie to him.

What's this random guy going to do to actually affect his plan?

Doesn't making more bodies make his job of stalking one person harder?

The moral- don't talk to Customers.  I know that I don't (don't try to verify this).

Next time, a man working in a Car Factory.  Who or what would want to hurt him?  See you then...

Fiction vs. Fiction: Mr. Sardonicus (1961)

 A random bit of luck got me a copy of the original Short Story that become William Castle's Mr. Sardonicus.   It came in a big old Book from 1987 that I paid a whole $1 for.

Nobody demanded this but screw it.

Let's see what Mr. Castle and company changed for the Screen...

VS

What's the Same?

The Story is pretty much the same between both versions.

A Doctor is called to a far-off land at the behest of a former love.  He meets her Husband- a Lord with a strange disfigurement.

He's pressed to cure him...or else.

He says that he uses a weakened form of poison to fix his face, but it was a lie.  It was just water and his own guilt over robbing his Father's grave.

The pair go on to live happily ever after, while Sardonicus is punished by fate, unable to eat or drink.

What's Different?

So... there are a few key differences.

That shot of Guy Rolfe in his mask is one of the iconic parts of the Film.
It is not in the Book.

At all.

In addition, the weird Butler/Assistant is in the Book.
In the Film, however, he's partially disfigured as a result of a punishment from Sardonicus.

This plays into his later betrayal as part of the 'Punishment Poll' Ending in the Film.

Another big one- what makes the Doctor help Sardonicus.

In the Film, the Butler (below), he threatens to disfigure the woman.
In the Book, Sardonicus explains that (like in the Film), it is a marriage in name only.
If he won't fix his grin, he will *ahem* consummate the marriage against her will.

Good change, Mr. Castle.

Last big change....

In the Film, we learn that the Doctor was *faking* the deaths of these dogs used to find the right amount of poison to not kill Sardonicus, dragging them out visibly for the charade.

In the Book, he was just actually killing the dogs with poison.
Damn!
Why?!?

In the Book, the Doctor mentions that he heard the legend of a 'starving man' wandering the lands.
In the Film, he is betrayed by the Butler, who doesn't tell him that he was really cured.

What a twist!

Final Thoughts

The Film version is honestly a bit better. 

It gives more nuance to everyone involved.  The random Butler has a back story, for instance, and ties into the ending.
In the Book, he's just a guy who shows up once and that's it.

The Film is certainly more lurid than the Book- aside from the you-know threat of forced marital relations- and that may not be your preference.

The Book has some good parts to it, of course, and you wouldn't have a Film without it.

Now go on Etsy to start selling these already- the Copyright has no doubt lapsed.

The Story is still a fun one, so track it down.  The Film is just a more expanded and interesting version.

Shudder Day: All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)

 It is low-budget Horror Christmas time!

Is it a good time or a bad gift?

This 2018 Film is a Horror Anthology, but all Segments are done by the same two people.  That somewhat defeats the purpose, no?

Anyhow, the Framing Device is that our Heroes go to a Play called...the same thing as this Movie.

Everything about the place gives off weird, Blood Theater vibes (and not good, Theatre of Blood vibes)

The first Segment is about an Office Christmas Party gone awry.

Can they survive the work of knock-off Jigsaw?

The next Segment involves a man stuck in the Parking Lot on Christmas Eve.

Why should he not trust the friendly people in the van?

Another Segment involves a twist on the Christmas Carol Story.

I guess it was legally required to include one of these.

Another brief (and disappointing) Segment involves a man targeted for revenge.

The culprit- a (never shown) Reindeer.

One more freaky (and actually good) Segment and then we wrap things up...kind of.

A somewhat decent Film, but it could have been alot better.  There's some variety in the Segments, to be fair.  Thankfully, there aren't a bunch of repeated Actors.

Sorry, still burned by Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horror.

Segment by segment, it is pretty good, but, honestly pretty forgettable.  I watched it *checks watch* about 9 hours ago and I legit forgot about the final Segment.  Not a knock on that one in particular- just the Film overall.

I wanted to like more of this, but it is so cheap.  There are ways to do these things when you can't afford $100 million worth of CGI.  You can be good and not look cheap.

Oh and there's no Killer Ornaments like on the Poster.  It's all a lie.

Sadly, this one is very forgettable and...meh.  

Sorry, Producers- don't freak out.

They can't all be winners.  Anthologies are a mixed bag- sometimes they are just though dry nuts that nobody likes.

Immediate Response: Godzilla Minus One (2023)

 After being busy last Friday (my only day off), I made the time to see this one before it left US Theaters.

Am I hyped?

The Good

* The Film tells a really good tale about a man seemingly cursed by fate based on one choice he made.

* Godzilla is a big, scary threat in this Film.  They look great.  They look scary.  More of this.

* The Action and Set Pieces are really good.  They give you the scale and scope of things.

* The Film hits you 'in the feels.'  That's rare for a Godzilla Film.

The Bad

* The Film is really intense, especially in the first Action Scene.  It is not for kids.

* They pace out the Godzilla appearance to truly give you Plot and Characters.  Just be patient.

* A late-Film twist is super-obvious thanks to a pretty obvious Edit.  Oh well.

A really, really good Film.  A great follow-up to Shin Godzilla.

See it while you can on the big screen.

Tubi Thursday: Black Christmas (2006)

 I can check another Director off on my Seen All of Their Films List- Glenn Morgan.

After Willard, the gentleman did a Remake of a Horror Classic.  

Does the fact that Bob Clark hung around on Set help things out?  A little bit.

This 2006 Film was released on Christmas Day, which pissed off many, many people.  

I vaguely remember this- a Co-Worker told me that their Holiday plans was going to see this- but it sure didn't match up to the Silent Night, Deadly Night affair.

Another House full of Co-Eds- check.

The Plot is mostly the same, but we get the Rob Zombie's Halloween treatment here as we find out EVERYTHING about the mysterious killer this time around.  

For some reason, they made him That Yellow Bastard too.  

We even know what his favorite snack is.

The Film tries to confuse you, it seems, by continually introducing new, random characters into the Film, both in Flashbacks and in the main Story.

Is this to distract you from how obvious the Two Killers (because Scream invented that- we all know) twist is here.

Seriously, people die in the House BEFORE we see Billy escape, so...

On the plus side, we get to see some nice, non-cliche Female Characters.

On the negative side, they are all just here to die gory, violent deaths and/or scream.

Did they get paid by the scream?

The ladies find nothing but danger and reasons to scream inside the House.

It sure is a good thing that the catch-all 'It is Christmas- everyone left' excuse works, no?

I guess they could go outside, but...it is not recommended.

Is this Film overlooked due to being 'yet another Remake' (right at the time that this trend really picked up)?

To find out, stream it now (or wait for my comments below).

Yeah, it is not good.  It could have been.  There's legitimate potential in this Story, even with *some* of the changes made.

It worked in the '70s, so why not?

The Film, for one, is way too in love with just being gross in its violence.  There's something creepy about how it was handled in the Original.  That's pretty much gone, especially when it overplays its one card.

The original is famous for the shot of the body with the bag on its head in the rocking chair.  It works here too.  However, then we get EVERY victim- save maybe one or two- getting the same treatment with the bag.

Throw in some gore and gross stuff put in there- allegedly- by Producer/Criminal Harvey Weinstein and you get a mess of a Film that is just unsettling in that Hostel way.  That's not a compliment, Eli Roth.

I gave this one a fair shot- honestly. It was just gross, cruel and dumb, with a tacked on Third Act Finale that does no good for anybody.

After a different kind of freak out, I'm kind of curious to check out the OTHER Remake in the future.

A Film with a good Setup...and terrible execution.  Good touches here and there don't make up for the ugly, cruel tone overall.

Don't Cross Me: Along Came A Spider (2001)

 A new Month brings us a new Alex Cross Film.  It is crazy to think that Patterson has written so many Cross Novels, but there are only 3 Films.  Weird.

This is Along Came A Spider, the 2001 Film Adaptation of the first Cross Book.
Well, it actually changes so many things that it is not *really* an Adaptation. 
Joy- another one for my Fiction vs. Fiction List.

The Plot involves the kidnapping of a Senator's Daughter, a Screenwriter who doesn't know how the Secret Service works and Alex Cross being brought in under unique circumstances to help save the day.  Can he team up with a different woman- not a previous victim this time- to solve another case?

The Film was Directed by Lee Tamahori, a guy with a very diverse Filmography, in both style and quality.  Besides this, he made everyone's favorite Bond Film- Die Another Day- as well as everyone's favorite Phillip K. Dick adaptation- Next- and everyone's favorite '00s Sequel- xXx: State of the Union.  In contrast to those, however, he also made a respected Film or two like The Edge and The Devil's Double.

Speaking of connections, he took over State of the Union when Rob Cohen dropped out and then Rob Cohen made Cross in 2012.  What a small world.

Well, that was fun.  Now here's...

Cross is working with his Partner in stopping a killer from presumably another Book's Story.

It goes wrong when her cover is blown, the obviously CG Car flies off of a dam and she dies.

Meanwhile, a Teacher manages to knock out and kidnap the Daughter of a Senator, even eluding the Secret Service...who don't actually watch Senator's kids.

This setup does give us the first Poor Bastard of Cinema for me to induct from this Film though.

The kidnapper sends one of the girl's shoes to Cross, who is moping about and trying to stay busy to avoid going back to work after the death of his Not in the Book Partner.

In the Film, he wants Cross to work the case due to his fame (since he wants to be a famous Criminal).
In the Book, he's got 'split personalities' (it was written in 1993, to be fair).

We briefly see Cross' Boss from the last Film just long enough for Cross to get put on the case by Dylan Baker.

The Senator- Michael Moriarty- so you know that this was shot in Canada- is the usual blustering jerk, while the Wife is all 'Just save our Daughter.'

He has to work with the Secret Service Agent who failed to protect the girl.

The kidnapper seems to want to be famous, making sure to spell it out for Cross and the Audience that he was inspired by Richard Bruno Hauptman, who kidnapped Charles Lindbergh's baby.

He makes another move as he tries to kidnap a Russian boy whose Father is also a 'higher up.'  Hey look- it's a young Anton Yelchin.

We get more Poor Bastards and the bad guy escapes.

Cross is taken on an elaborate chase through the streets and onto a train to deliver a ransom of $10 million.

Cool idea- too bad it is from the SIXTH Alex Cross Novel.  Oh well.

Mind you, the Book has Cross end up in Disneyland, so...I can see why they changed it.

He figures out that the ransom was NOT requested by the kidnapper and shoots him with a very literal Chekhov's Gun to kill him.

Too bad the girl is still missing.

Based on zero setup in the Story, we eventually learn that the Secret Service Agent and her Partner (Billy Burker- who we only see twice) knew about the kidnapper's plans and then took the girl from him to get the ransom.

This is at least from the Book, although Cross and her are an item and the girl is actually missing FOR TWO YEARS in that one.

She kills her partner and tries to kill (not kiss) the girl(s) in a Barn.

Cross somehow gets there in time, despite all evidence making this seem impossible and the day is saved.

See you next time...in a Decade when you become Tyler Perry.  The End.

A good Film, but it definitely has more issues overall than the first one.

The structure, for one, is a lot more solid in that Film, since it is a more direct adaptation.  This one stitches in bits from other Books and cuts out big chunks of the actual Book.  It is kind of like how they just started buying up the Ian Fleming Books for Bond Films...and made up entirely unique Stories instead.

That said, the events are shot and acted well as a whole.  The Score does much more of the heavy lifting in this one too, I should note.

The Film does do random things that just kind of make Cross not look too bright.  Aside from missing clues during the first half, he also gets the name of the Kidnapper that the villain emulates wrong- he calls him 'Bruno Hauptmann' when it is actually Richard (Bruno) Hauptmann.  

A weird thing for the expert to get wrong, no?

This does still come recommended for fans of this Genre and the Cross Character.  Just know that it is both more palatable- not dealing with ickier subjects like Kiss the Girls- and also not as good.

To be fair, this Film's Screenwriter only did this- and is credited on Cross- while the other Film's one was a more successful Author and Screenwriter in his own right.

Then again, look how look adorable this kid is....

Next time, I'll make a slight pivot to a different African American Detective on the case.  Was this really good enough to warrant a 1 Season Show on NBC?  Stay tuned...

Shudder Day: Creepshow- 'The Parent Deathtrap/To Grandmother's House We Go'

 After missing last week on account of traveling hundreds of miles via plane, let's just cover both Segments in the next Episode of Creepshow.

In our first Story, we see a tale of death, family and the afterlife in...

A young man grows up hating his Parents.

To be fair, they are terrible to him.

What does he do?

He kills them.

That...is a decision.

The trade-off- the Ghosts keep hanging around him 24/7.

Can he keep his secret?

In our second Segment, we get a modern riff of a classic Fairy Tale.  

A 'gold digger' marries a rich guy, but thanks to his Sister, she doesn't get what she wants.

She gets very little money...and the Daughter.

They go to see the Sister (aka Grandma) when she is sick.

Of course, one of them just wants to live in a nice house.

So, what could happen to ruin the trip?

Oh right- a Wolf.  I don't know how I didn't see that coming.

I won't SPOIL all of what happens, so go ahead and Stream it now.

Two enjoyable, albeit very different Stories.

The first tale is definitely one that leans into Dark Comedy.  Our 'Hero' is awful, but everyone else is awful to him.  So, when he does something awful to them, how are we meant to feel?  Happy?  Sad?  Temperate?

It takes some nice twists and turns that I didn't want to SPOIL.  It is a good one, just know that this is not one with an obvious Hero or someone to really root for.

The second tale is more cut and dry, doing its best to make certain people really cliche.  That's not always bad- especially when you need to tell a Story in less than 20 minutes.  They call them shortcuts because they work, you know.

Both Stories over the usual good F/X, especially if you consider the Budget and timetable.  These aren't feature Films, but the creature work is top notch.  It is also very different work in both Segments, so that's another challenge.

All in all, I liked both parts of the Episode, although I did think of a way to make the second one even scarier...

Two fun Segments that were, as always, quite different.  That's the strength and weakness of this kind of Show.

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Prom Night (2008) {Part 1}

 After a while, the 'Remake' of Prom Night is fairly forgotten by me, the guy who watched and reviewed it.

That said, there are two Poor Bastards and I'm going to highlight them.

The villain gets a Room in the Hotel that the titular event is taking place on.

For no good reason, he decides to set a trap for this lady.

He ruins his key so she will go over and let him in with her own universal key.

But why?

Oh...the key, I guess.  He needs that to break into their Room(s) later.

She lets him in then he decides to make his move...

...and he brings her in to kill her.

Did he need to do this?  No.

The moral- um...don't do your job during a big event (like a Prom being held in a Hotel Ballroom).

I'm going to punt on this one- I got nothing.

Next time, another Employee bites the dust.  Does this one at least makes the Plot move forward?  See you then...

Streaming Standard: Captain Laserhawk- A Blood Dragon Remix (2023)

 After success with adapting Castlevania to the small and/or various-sized screens that people watch Netflix on, its Director was given more opportunties.

Naturally, his next idea was to do a version of...a DLC Campaign to Far Cry 3.

Sure- why not?!?

In a dark, but also neon-lit future, a dystopian government agency controls all.

Something something whoever you don't like being in charge.
You get the idea.

The titular Laserhawk and his partner steal a device worth countless government credits (aka money) ...which is disguised as a game cart.

And yes, they do make a joke about it.

Things go horribly awry for everyone involved- no SPOILERS as to how- however and the news breaks.

Thanks, Rayman- I needed to hear the truth.

He ends up working on a sort of Suicide Squad and has revenge on his mind.

Also on the team are a Wrestler (more on that later) and a mix of strange adaptations of Ubisoft Video Game Characters including Jade from Beyond Good & Evil (whose Sequel is never coming out) and...a frog.

Yes, the stand-out character of the Show is Bullfrog, an alternate reality member of the Templar from Assassins Creed.

I smell a spin-off (please!)

Can they save the City or will a million more twists and turns get in their way? 

To find out, stream this weird Show now.

*****

This is a fun one, but damn is it weird!  I mean, where do you start?

They adapted 'the vibe' of Blood Dragon, filled it with a blend of Ubisoft Characters like it is a Spider-Verse Film and threw in about 142 Plot Twists.

If you like a straight, simple Story, go elsewhere.  If you want a straight adaptation of Ubisoft Characters, look elsewhere.  I'm the biggest Rabbids fan out there and their inclusion here is weird as hell.

I'm here for it.

To note, the Show is chock full of cartoon violence and dismemberment.  It also covers darker Themes and topics, so don't pop the kiddos down for it.

The other aspect that might bother some people is that it, gasp, includes Gay Characters.  Oh my!

In all seriousness, this is a weird, irreverent Show that you can watch in a fairly short amount of time (it is only 6 Episodes).  Plus, it features Cody Rhodes and his terrible neck tattoo.

Based on and also very different from Ubisoft properties, this is a fun, crazy Show.  If you don't like changes to canon in non-canon content, however, steer clear.