A Virtual Vacation...to Pirates World!!!

After watching a less-than-stellar Movie designed to sell me on Pirates World (40 + years after it is too late), I thought I'd look into this...

People's Vacation Videos of Pirates World.

Thank you, YouTube for giving me someone else's personal memories from 1967...

There's no sound, so just play 'In A Gadda Da Vida' over like the Film did!

Believe it or not, there is actually more than one of these on there.

This one is shorter, but the Video Quality has been up-scaled and it has some Audio.

Enjoy it and thank the guy for posting it.

I know that you can't go to Disney Land or its family of Parks right now, but enjoy this...the 12th best alternative right now.

Remember- we'll get through this.

Rare Flix: Musical Mutiny (1970)

This random Film was watched on a whim.  Thanks for suffering through it with me, Bob.  This is Musical Mutiny, a 1970 Film that is half-Documentary, half-narrative Film.  It is hard to really explain this Film, for many reasons.  It comes to us from Barry Mahon, the man who's career includes Nudist Horror Films, a surprisingly-accurate Wizard of Oz Story Adaptation, Children's Films about Christmas, just plain Erotica and the Storybook Parts from Santa Claus & The Ice Cream Bunny.  Oh and he also Directed Errol Flynn in his dying days as he supported Fidel Castro.  Who was this guy?!?!?  In his last days as a Director, he did the Ice Cream Bunny stuff and this.  The common theme- a defunct Theme Park known as Pirates World.  My best guess is that he just lived in the area and could make this stuff on the cheap.  So what is Musical Mutiny?  The best story available is that Iron Butterfly was going to play Pirates World and the Park wanted to get some extra attention.  Disney was breathing down their necks and they needed the help.  In comes Barry Mahon to make a loose-almost-a-Film around the actual events at the Park for them.  Is it good?  No.  Is it bad?  Yes.  Is it the kind of Film that certain people need to see?  To find out, read on...

In a somewhat-confusing bit, a 'Pirate' shows up and tells a guy that 'there is a mutiny.'

You're supposed to get that this is a Pirate GHOST who is mad at the Park's existence.  That's how you advertise a Park- say that it attracts angry Ghosts!

This leads to a VERY extended bit where people go from place to place and tell people about 'the mutiny.'  That's all they need to know, I guess!

Part 2 of the Ghost Pirate's Plan involves tricking the ONE GUY WATCHING THE GATES that the Concert Event with Iron Butterfly is free as a promotional event.

This works.  Also that Balloon.

The hordes of people pack into Pirates World for the Concert.  I love that the Plot of this involves the Owner getting mad about them possibly losing thousands of dollars.

How is he the bad guy here?

Between all of the music- which includes practice sessions and the actual concert- the Film tries to pretend that it has a Plot.

In Part B, they give you this rich kid and his girlfriend.  She says that he relies on his dad's money.

He takes his dad's plane to Pirates World and says that he'll hire The Fantasy (one of the other bands)...with his own money.  Is that supposed to be a Character/Story Arc?

In Part C, these 3 guys make a formula for a drink that is tantamount to mind control.  They try to sell it- mixed in lemonade- at Pirates World.

After hours of rejection, they turn away an actual customer and the 'boss' jumps in the lake.
Did he just try to kill himself?

With that out of the way, here's lots of Iron Butterfly.  They don't play the song you know...yet.

The Concert stops, however, when the Manager stops it due to lack of payment.  How...dare he?

In the meantime, they other Bands play to random shots of Pirates World.  Come visit!

Said Plot Point is ended when a random Hippie writes a check for the $15,000 the Band is owed.  He just has that!

Butterfly goes back on stage and plays the super-duper-extended-plus-riffing version of 'In A Gadda Da Vida' to wrap up the Film.

I highlighted in my screen cap just where the performance starts to show you how long it is.  The End.

What a strange almost-Film this is.  So is this really a Documentary?  I mean, the bulk of the Film is just Concert/Performance Footage.  Stop Making Sense is a Documentary, so why not?  Well, this one also features *some* of the Musicians attempting to act.  Yeah, Iron Butterfly is too big of a name to act in this one.  The whole Film has a strange and confusing narrative built around the actual footage, so it isn't really a Documentary anymore.  Mondo Films, as an example, will stage events that are mixed in with the real footage they have.  Even so, *most* of them don't make up a whole new story to go with their footage.  Good-Bye, Uncle Tom has a framing device- Documentarians coming to visit the South during Slavery- and then features reenactments/exaggerations of actual History.  That's the closest I can come to a Film like this then.  Not the best company you're keeping, Musical Mutiny!  Thankfully, the Film makes up for silliness and bad Acting to a certain degree with Music.  If you like this kind of Music, the Film can be enjoyable.  If you don't, it is just a bad Movie with lots of songs.  It tend to fall into the first category, even as I admit the the Film really gets excessive with just how long they play songs like Da Vida.  As a time capsule, this Film works great.  You can see a Theme Park that hasn't been open since 1974.  You can see what people thought 'hip culture' was like and how strange Mod Music could get.  Plus you'll see Bands you've likely never heard of before or will ever hear of again.  For instance, The New Society Band (below) only has 1 Album...

Next time, the Film I was *actually* planning to Review.  I just couldn't resist subjecting Bob to this to make the viewing experience easier.  Stay tuned...

DTV Trash?: Ghost Rig

A Film that I've been putting off for months.  

The basic story: a Co-Worker of my Brother gave him some random stuff.  

The stuff he didn't want- like this- he gave to me.  

It's how I got The Wicker Tree as well, FYI.  

The Film is Ghost Rig, a 2002/3 Horror Film.  It is about ghosts on an oil rig...sort of.  Okay, not really.  It's not much more creative than this, sadly, but I'll get to it.  

The Cast includes... oh boy...'Logan' from Baywatch.  It also includes the future Star of Super Vet.  You see, one of this Film's Leads segued into Veterinary Science and got a Reality Show out of it.  

Someone worked after this- that's always a good sign!  

The Director hasn't gone on to do much, other than some Crime Dramas in his home Country. 

Is this Film a good example of why he hasn't done more Films?  To find out, read on...

A group of Environmental Conservationists fly in to occupy an abandoned Oil Rig.  The reason: it will be demolished to make a 'natural coral reef.'

Why is that bad again?

They have to wander around it- that will pad the runtime! - but at least they have a map.

Also, one of them has a gun and it's a huge deal.
Wow, this really ISN'T an American Film!!!

More wandering around.  

More of them being assholes.  

Excitement?

To further amplify things, we get them doing Video Logs.  

I highlight this one for dramatic effect later.

As some of them start to die and one acts crazy, they also learn that one of them is undercover.

He's clearly not good enough at his job to be underhanded in a Room that he knows has cameras in.

As the numbers whittle down, one of them discovers a body and a video camera.
Yep, they're watching Found Footage here, although the Film is not fully that.  

It's...odd.

The gist of it: some evil force is on board and everyone left and/or died.  

Now it can possess you!

When the final Cast is whittled down to 4 people, it turns more into The Thing than ever.

While they don't do a blood test per se, they do test to see if you bleed, so I'm counting it.

In the End, it turns out that Wheelchair Guy (aka Future Vet) knew who was possessed and wanted the power for himself.  Why?  

Because being possessed heals you.

I guess you're supposed to want to go back throughout the whole Film to see the hints, but...meh.

In a weird moment, he sits down to watch the rest of the Found Footage...that conveniently didn't show him the first time.  How did he work around that?

He kills everyone and leaves, whereupon they reveal that he made a 'magic circle' on his body to control the power.  

Oh, that explains the alternate Title (see below).  The End.

A slow, plodding nothing of a Film.  

To be fair, the Movie has some sort of atmosphere.  Granted- it is based on being in a bunch of ugly, badly lit hallways made out of metal.  It's somewhere I wouldn't want to be.  

That also has nothing to do with the Horror- it just looks like I'll get tetanus from just breathing in there!  

The whole Oil Rig part doesn't factor much into the Plot.  It's just a pretense for 'Oh, we can't leave' and that's it.  They keep talking about the Rig, but it doesn't amount to much plot-wise.  The first half is soooooooo slow.  It just keeps going.  

They just wander around.  They just bicker.  They just wander around.  

When they are finally done with that, it doesn't improve all that much.  Now there's a vague evil in the area and one of them goes full Jack Torrance with an axe.  It gets silly when biting is the means of transference of evil.  The evil also never has a real form for us to see- just a silly voice filter.  I guess I shouldn't have expected a monster...even if the UK Box Art promises one.  

They couldn't just spring for a good mask to show in a dark light?  Nothing?  The part where it becomes The Thing is just kind of sad.  The whole ending works for the Villain due to people being stupid.  

The Film's big reveal(s) is/are alright, but don't feel 100% earned or fair.  Again- why does the footage they watched in full not show him the first time?  It's also fun to break down the full-circle logic of his plan.  

Step 1: Escape Rig.  

Step 2: Join Environmental Group that I know will occupy rig.  

Step 3: Trap myself in dangerous situation and ensure I'm the last one left.  

Step 4: Escape Rig (without paralyzing myself this time).  It's goofy.  

The Film is pretty dry, so it's not a strong recommendation overall.  That original Title is better though...

Next up, I check out a Made For TV Movie that shows how bad the future could be.  It will put things in perspective, no?  Stay tuned...

The Oil Rig Horror Movie Poster Overload!

While looking for Poster Art for Ghost Rig, I found alot more than I bargained for!

For starters, this Film Title that must be a confusing, literal translation...

In fact, this is an alternate Title for a Film more commonly (and generically) known as...

How inspired.

Let's go slightly-less generic and way more interesting with this Poster...

The actual reason I'm here actually has TWO different Posters/Box Art Designs.  There's the one on my DVD and then there's this Foreign one...

Of course, it isn't just Films from the U.S. and U.K.

South Korea got in on the act with this 2011 Film...

This hidden gem also features numerous Posters with slight variations, but this one (for the Soundtrack) is the most Oil Rig-y, so let's use this one...

Lastly, the Killer Shark Film couldn't help but get in on the act.

What is the scale of all this?

So yeah, there's way more of these than I thought even an Hour ago.

Holy.
Crap.
Man.


Damn.

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Terror at London Bridge (aka Bridge Across Time)

This is a weird Film, so it needs a brief recap for context...

- The London Bridge was rebuilt (for real) in Arizona.
- Jack the Ripper was killed on said Bridge (not real) and comes back when someone bleeds on the same block he touched during his fall (also not real).
- David Hasselhoff is the only one who can stop him!

For the climax, he goes back to the *real* fake Village built around said Bridge to stop his last kill.
He leaves his lady (and the Town Librarian) with his Partner.

He looks around for 'Jack' and also wonders where the Night Security Guard is.

...and he's dead.

This *should* be a bigger deal, since Jack needed one more kill to jump back in Time (or something).

However, this one doesn't count, since, I don't know, it's a guy...maybe.

So, to sum up, a guy was killed for just doing his job.  As a double-whammy, as a Security Guard, he doesn't get the 'rub' for being a Cop.

He just gets killed like they do in these Films AND didn't get to get out of Parking Tickets too!

The moral: clearly it is avoid Bridges.  It doesn't end well for ANYONE in this Film.

Holiday Flix: Sometimes They Come Back...For More

I mean, I kind of wish they didn't though.  Today's Film is Sometimes They Come Back...For More, the 1998 Film that is the end of the Sometimes They Come Back Trilogy.  I say it is a Trilogy, but Tiger Claws is more of a Trilogy than this.  The original Film started life as a possible segment in Cat's Eye, but was made into a full-feature.  It was about Demon Greasers coming back (I get it!) to get revenge on a now-adult that accidentally killed them.  The 2nd Film was basically the same thing, but with sillier effects and not as good.  It did feature the 2nd appearance of Alexis Arquette in a Stephen King Film Sequel that didn't relate to the Original Film (or Book) though.  Said Film also ended with Sequel Bait, but this has nothing to do with that.  Throw it on the pile of Unresolved Stephen King Film Sequel Bait, I guess.  Remember the possible infection of Germany from Children of the Corn III or the He Who Walks Behind the Rows Baby tease from Children of the Corn IV?  Nope.  This Film is its own thing- for better or for worse.  It also might be a different Film altogether, as my bare minimum research has found.  The summary: the Film is listed TWICE on IMDB- once as Frozen and once as the Title above.  Both Films are from 1998 and its all the same.  Compounding things is the fact that Title Card says 'Frozen' on the official copy, BUT credits the King Book (for Characters).  Is the Film worth sorting this all out?  No.  To find out the odd way that this 'Series' ends, read on...

At a mysterious Antarctic Facility, two MPs are flown in to see what is going on.

This is based on a real thing that was tried involving burying nukes under the ice in Greenland, apparently.  That story is also more interesting than this.

So, let's get the obvious out of the way- is this related to the last Film?

No.  Not one bit.

Well, unless you count them casting a lady that looked just like Hillary Swank in that Film...

Most of the people in the base are dead and strange things start to happen. 

The bodies start disappearing and people see movement outside, despite it being around -70 degrees!

Things continue to get worse after Not Hillary Swank goes missing. 
Can this MP hold things together? 
Is there a reason why he seems to be more calm about this?

The dead start to reappear and have pentagrams on their foreheads.  Man, remember when this Film came out and everyone started doing that?

Good times.

I won't SPOIL it all for you- since it is so weird and silly- but it all relates to someone trying to bring Satan back to Earth.  Why and how I'll leave for you to see.

The Film is free on Tubi and VUDU (with Ads), so stream away if you're curious.

A decent enough Film, but nothing more.  Right off the bat, should this have the Title it does?  It does feature people 'coming back.'  All 3 Films involve some sort of occult element to said 'coming back' moments, so I guess fair is fair.  I still don't see why they credit King for this, unless his Book is WAY different than the first Film.  Are Characters really shared between the 2 works?  On the plus side, this Film isn't a complete rehash of the Original.  On the negative side, all of the crazy visuals and interesting stuff is mostly stripped out.  At the end, you get *some* of that, but it is otherwise very dry and basic.  It takes them ages to get to what the meat of the Film is.  Before that, it is just a bit like watching The Thing (the 1982 version), just with less interesting people and sets.  The bare bones cast should lead to some deeper, more fleshed out Characters.  Sadly, it doesn't really.  Our Lead gets the most, but that is almost all flashback-related and not *that* interesting.  Poor Faith Ford is just there to look sad, be in danger and be rescued.  She literally can't even run to safety on her own by the end!  The first Film struck the right balance of being weird when it needed to be, but not being silly and gimmicky like the 2nd one.  This one tries to go too far in the other direction, sadly.  It is not a *bad* Film.  At worst, it is a missed opportunity for a more interesting Film.  Is it Frozen before Disney?  Yes.  Is it a Sometimes They Come Back Film?  Apparently yes.  It is also...

Next time, I go back to my stack of un-watched Films to review.  This one features Ghosts and a Rig, so that's something.  Stay tuned... 

Rare Flix with Kicks: Tiger Claws III (2000)

At last, the Trilogy is complete.  Well, calling this a Trilogy is a bit specious.  Today's Film is Tiger Claws III, the final Film in the Series courtesy of the year 2000.  Given the Time Period, will it look like The Matrix?  Nope.  Instead, they go for a late-'80s vibe, which is weird for the Film made farthest from then.  I won't SPOIL it just yet, but the Film goes for the vibe of one specific Film from the early '80s.  As for the rest, it feels like a Sho Kosugi Film- good or bad.  As noted last time, Bolo Yeung was retired at this point (he mostly still is) and does not appear.  If you recall, his 'redemption' story was wrapped up via magical time travel.  Well, as long as there's no silly magic in this one.  Jalal- our Star and Producer- is still center stage, now with even less Cynthia Rothrock.  Is it bait-and-switch on his part or the people that market the Film?  I'll go with 'yes' for both, but more for the latter (since they know what the final product is and lie anyways).  The Plot is just plain weird for a number of reasons.  If I tell you it now, there's not much reason to read further, so I'll just be a giant tease and tell you to read on...

Jalal and Cynthia are back in New York...because no reason given.  They are trying to stop a Robber and do so, only for him to get away.

As thanks, the Owner of the Museum invites him to his big event.  He has the uniforms of 3 Ancient Masters and they are 'blessed' by a Ceremony...done by the same guy who tried to steal them.

Lightning strikes!  This...resurrects the 3 Ancient Masters somehow and they attack everyone.

The trio are all mute & consist of a big, scary guy, an older guy with a beard and a mean woman.
Figure out which Film inspired this one yet?!?

In the chaos, they kill Cynthia with one of their energy blasts. 

By the way, they can shoot energy blasts.

In a bit that was confusing at first, Jalal seems to find his old Master- only that guy was said to be dead in Part 1.

Well, he is.  This is just another Master.

If you think I was joking about the late-'80s vibe, here's Jalal culminating his 'defeat the 3 Masters' training like he's in Rocky IV. 

It all eventually leads to a battle in *sigh* a generic Office Building (just like Revenge of the Ninja btw).

While Jalal fights the Masters, *his* new Master has a one-sided beatdown of the main Villain.  Joy.

The fight seems to go pretty easily at first.  He bests the lone female Master in about a minute, while the big guy is taken down by an errant blast from his comrade.

The final one proves to be the most difficult, but is ultimately defeated when his necklace (and tether to this world) is destroyed, leading to...

Time mother-f@%$ing resetting.  No, really.

It goes back to the initial lighting strike and the duo arrest the guy before he finishes.  Cynthia is back alive Deadpool 2-style to do...nothing.  No more Sequels.  The End.

This is...just silly fun.  The Plot of this one is just bonkers.  I was wondering what they would do after, you know, the MAGIC TIME PORTAL in the last Film.  Well, they managed to add more magic, albeit at the cost of less Rothrock.  She's sidelined after two Fight Scenes, save for a dream sequence and then the ending.  In her place is the new Master- who is fun, to be fair- and his Daughter- who does nothing, really- to help train him.  We don't have Bolo, but we have his K-Mart equivalent in the mute giant Master and the previous villain's replacement as Generic Evil Guy.  He's even more generic and more evil than the last guy!  Speaking of those Masters, every Review- admittedly there's like 4- I found for this Film jokes about them being the bad guys from Superman II.  I mean...yeah, kind of.  For this comparison, Jalal has to be Superman, so I guess that's a bit of a stretch.  The new stuff does add some genuine (accidental) humor as the effects are pretty cheesy (see below).  The trade-off for the silliness is that there is more Action throughout the Film than in the last Sequel, so that is a plus.  There's some cheating involved- like Jalal's back-flipping stunt double on loan from Beowulf- but it is otherwise fun.  The actual Plot is just not as interesting as one might hope when all is said and done.  In a weird way, it returns the Series to its roots as a cheesy Action Film, even as it has guys that shoot lightning and warp time itself...

Next time, I celebrate a religious Holiday with a Film.  I mean, if you can't (and shouldn't) go to a big Church service, what are you doing then?  Stay tuned...