TV on the Internet: Ash vs Evil Dead- 'Trapped Inside'

Even though I'm behind, it works in your favor.  Time to get caught up...

Ash and company return home as Pedro is having all sorts of issues with the Necronomicon.

Back at the Station, even-more-creepy Wiseau starts to manipulate the Sheriff and the mob that appears looking for Ash.

The group tries to recuperate, but has to resort to some magic hijinks to try to stop Baal.

While a Mob forms outside, some sort of evil lurks inside Ash's House.

What old wounds will the Deadites bring up next?  Who will live and who will die?

To find out, watch the Episode.

Things only get crazier and crazier.  In this Episode, they give you a nice throwback to the original Evil Dead.  No SPOILERS- don't worry.   I will say that the Monster of the Week sure was freaky and well done here.  Everyone gets a moment or two to shine.  The Sheriff looks strong, Ba'al looks evil.  Pablo finds strength in the midst of his horror.  Kelly continues to bad-ass, even if she isn't always the brightest.  While this one is fun, it also leaves many questions.  Did Ted Raimi escape another Episode without facing a violent, bloody death?  Is Pablo going through more body horror than in a Cronenberg Film?  Will Ba'al ever make The Room 2?  The Show keeps me guessing!  I won't keep you in suspense any more though.  Here is your weekly dose of Ash's face covered in blood...

Next time, things get crazy for Ash in a different way.  They're coming to take him away, a-ha.  See you then...

Rare Import Flix: Marauders (1986)

Marauders- Australian for Assholes.  Today's Film is, well, Marauders, a 1986 Australian Thriller/Slasher Film.  It is on Netflix as part of the Savage Sinema Collection aka a bunch of Films by Mark Savage.  Yes, that Mark Savage.  No, I don't know who he is either.  In any event, this is one of those Films that has lurked in my Queue for Months and I finally got around to it.  The Film is an odd one, as it tries be both Arty and Exploitation.  That is Austria's thing- not your's.  The Story involves a pair of teenage assholes committing a bunch of crimes.  They run afoul of a young Couple and decide to get back at them for, well, pretty petty reasons.  With everyone being an asshole (save one person), will I care who lives and who dies?  Don't look for any recognizable names or faces here- which could a bonus.  I will note that Savage apparently just made a Film with Bill Oberst Jr (friend of the Site), so I'll have to watch *at least* one more Film of his.  To find out how his dated opus is, read on...

This guy with the silly hair is an asshole, who beats up and berates this Mother.  Joy.

This guy is an asshole who cheats on and beats up his 'girlfriend,' later killing her when he can't find the car keys.

Yeah, that seems like a reasonable response...

This Couple is sneaking off for the Weekend to a Cabin.  He has an idea of what that entails, but she's not exactly as on-board with it.

Yes, three Male Leads- all assholes.  Joy.

The first 2 assholes pursue the Couple after the 3rd one bumps him slightly with the car.  Seems like a logical response.

While this leads to more killing, how can I stay mad at that hair?

They show up at the Cabin, but Asshole #3 is ready.  I'd say that this is an over escalation, but I've seen the rest of the Film so far.

Now here is where things get even more murky- one Victim survives an attack (being dragged alongside a car window) and gets a Mob!

This all leads to a long bit of the Mob trying to kill the Assholes and them targeting them Rambo-style.  The tension and drama is mellowed a bit by all of the Disney shirts (seen above) and silly hair.

The Mob eventually kills Asshole #2, while Asshole #1 kills himself to 'show them.'  That...showed them, I guess.

Oh and Asshole #3 is left behind by the Film's only likeable Character.  The End.

Assholes being assholes.  People going right to forming a killing mob.  Asshole boyfriend.  What is there to like here?  As I've mentioned, there are few likeable people.  We get the people that are immediately-victimized, the few that aren't killed and the lady that forms the Mob.  Not that she isn't somewhat-justified, but it is a pretty big leap from 'they tried to kill me' to 'let's form a Mob and murder them!'  The point: it is hard to muster alot of interest in what happens.  Do I care if the murdering asshole dies?  Not so much.  Do I care if the total asshole is killed by the murdering assholes?  Not really.  Marauders is not a bad Film per se, but it looks cheap (since it was) and it doesn't muster alot of interest from its Viewers with its awful (as human beings) Leads.  On the plus side, they work in a few mildly-interesting Camera Tricks...

Next up, the final Freddy Film that most of you like.  Has Kreuger 'jumped the shark' before using the Power Glove?  Stay tuned...

3,200th Post Celebration: The Ultimate Poor Bastards of Cinema

Every time that I hit a numerical Milestone, I feel the need to do something special.  It is usually just Review a Film that I deem more important for one reason or another.

This time, let me up the ante for my most identifiable Segment- Poor Bastards of Cinema.

Who are arguably the most famous examples of this AND yet have never been covered?  Well...

In Star Wars (not Episode IV yet!), Princess Leia has been captured by the Empire.  They approach her Home Planet- Alderaan.

Nice Moon.

You all know what happens next, right?

Boom goes the Alderaan.

Millions (if not Billions!) of lives lost in a single instance.  Why?

The Empire is full of evil assholes who would blow up a Planet for no good reason.  On the other side, a young Writer-Director needs a big set piece to show what the stakes are.

Other than accidentally-hide Vader's Daughter, what did they do?

Worse still, the Internet has made it all into a joke.

Seriously, you're a bunch of insensitive pricks.

I kid, I kid.

Seriously though, how am I just NOW doing this one?  Too obvious?

Here's to 3,200!  I can't wait to see what I come up with for 3,300!

Quick Reviews: Attack on Titan- Part 1 (2015)

Are you scared of giant, naked people who want to eat you?  You're not?!?  Well...too bad, weirdo...

In a dark time for the World, mysterious beings known as Titans (as the Japanese are fans of Greek Myths, it seems) have pushed mankind into hiding behind walls.

It was that or a never-ending train ride, I guess.

Right as our Heroes are hanging around by the wall, they decide to attack.  Dramatic!

The Military and the Walls are no match for the Titans as lots of random people die, most of whom are chomped down upon by the giants.

Don't you hate all that PG-13 Horror these days?

Without SPOILERS (for those of you who don't know the Show), things go bad for our Hero right as the Scene ends.  Again- dramatic timing rules the day!

In the aftermath, some time as passed and the Humans make plans to clear the Titans out of the Land they desperately-need for food and supplies.

I sure hope a crazy, scientifically-implausible gadget will help!

Can our Heroes defeat the Titans and complete their mission?  Will their personal issues get in the way?  To find out, watch the Film.

Dark, crazy stuff.  Attack on Titan is a property that I've been vaguely-aware of for a long time.  While I've technically Reviewed more Anime than Bob, he's still much more into the stuff than I am.  I know that it is about people fighting giant, naked mutant things whilst on wires, but that's about it.  So I'm going into this *somewhat* blind, making me the perfect audience to review it.  The Story is interesting, but also kind of muddled.  We have a few Main Characters, a handful of Supporting Characters, a few ancillary ones and others all competing for screen time.  The Film handles some of them better than others.  While this is more of an Action Film, it really serves more under Horror Movie Rules.  Someone literally dies after trying to have sex!  The big draw (pun fully-intended) here is definitely the Titans.  They are big, freaky and well-realized.  I have a million questions about how they all work, but I know that they have at least one more Film to help answer them.  All in all, Attack on Titan- Part 1 is a crazy, gory, interesting Film that is definitely not for everyone.  If you can embrace the dark nature of the Story and how insane it is, you will appreciate the amount of work put into it all.  My only nitpick- conveniently-thick smoke...

Crazy dark and violent stuff.  If you can get used to the blood and guts, the bizarre visuals and Action are a delight.

New Flix: Sadako vs. Kayako (2016)

After a number of 'VS' Films from Japan involving giant Monsters, how about some smaller and scarier ones?

In a Cold Open, a Lady goes to check on an older woman gone missing.  In a bit of misdirection, she's not in 'The Grudge' House, she has someone else waiting for her...

Now it seems that the infamous Curse Video is just an Urban Legend, despite all of those deaths in the other Films and it going online in the last 2 Films.

Continuity is hard.

In the B-Plot, a young woman and her family move into a new Home- the 'you'll die if you live there' home.

After more than 5 Films, why is it still on the Market?!?

In the main Plot, the Tape migrates from one House to another as our Heroines buy a VCR to help convert a Parent's Wedding Tape to DVD...only to find the Tape in it.

At this point, I would just like to point out that most VCR-DVD Recorder Combos are cheap and usually made in and around Japan.

As things get worse and worse (including random kid deaths!), fate (and some Psychics) bring the two Heroines together (eventually!).  What can they do?

Set up a conflict between the two titular Spirits, of course!  Who will win?  Who will die?

To find out, watch the Movie.  It only came out in June, so I'm not going to SPOIL more.

The Surprisingly-Straight Story.  After about 11 Films, where do you go with these Franchises?  You've already killed countless teens, taken over the World (in Rasen) and threatened the end of the World (Ju-On: The Final Curse).  Fun Fact: I got a Japanese DVD of Ringu (which works in Region 1 Players!) for $1 from a Thrift Store in Tampa.  Unrelated, but fun.  In any event, the actual Story for getting the two together is a bit strange.  The Tape somehow migrated to the same Town/Prefecture as the one in Ju-On/The Grudge.  The Tape now kills you in 2 days, not 7.  The whole 'Pass the Tape on to escape the Curse' thing is now just a 'Myth,' despite it working in previous Films.  The Tape needs to be leaked online (but going nowhere with it yet), despite already being online in a previous Film.  There are two notable things to address here.  One- the disconnect.  For the most part, you will get a Scene of the Ju-On Story and then one of the Ringu Story- although the ratio tends to favor the latter as far as volume is concerned.  While they eventually connect, this is dangerously-close to Godfrey Ho-levels of sewing a Film together.  Second- the pay-off.  While I obviously won't SPOIL the Ending or where it goes, I will say that the titular conflict is minimal at best.  Even in Freddy vs. Jason, they had conflicts before the fight at Crystal Lake!  In this one, it is only at the end.  It has some good, fun moments to it, but makes the whole Film feel like a tease.  All in all, Sadako vs. Kayako is a good Film...or at least 2 pretty good Films that come together at the end.  My favorite part: the possessed lady who somehow snapped her naked BACKWARDS.  Science!

Pretty by-the-numbers stuff that can't quite live up to the Title.  If you're a fan of either Franchise, however, you won't be disappointed.

'Deep Blue Sea' Moments: Blood Creek (2009)

While not as pronounced as others, I still want to use it.

In Blood Creek, an evil Nazi Zombie is trying to get enough blood to achieve true power.  Trapped outside the House by Runes, he has no way in...right.

Wrong.  Surprise Zombie Horse!

Bad surprise!  Bad surprise!

"This is what I get for eating Dog Food.

Also for standing near a window with my back turned in a Horror Film."

The lesson: always expect Zombie Horses.

Hold on, I have to answer the door...

"Neighh-ns!!!"
"Oh God...how am I still typing this?!?!?"

Quick Reviews: Assassination Classroom- The Graduation

Did you watch Assassination Classroom and want to know how the Story ended?  I'm going to pretend that you said 'Yes'...

In a Cold Open, we see a mysterious Prisoner delivered to a Facility.

Just ignore that for about an hour, alright?

In a special School, this super-being is teaching a Class of Students that the School has all but given up on.  They also have to kill him before the Year ends or the World will be destroyed.

The Story continues to be about how they are both learning to like the Teacher and also training to kill him.

Try to forget the part where they briefly get sidetracked by a Scene where other Students attempt to molest four Girls in the Class, okay?

Do you want to know the true origin of Korosensei?  You know you do!

Will Korosensei's lessons pay off and make the E Class succeed in life?

Or will the sins of his past (and the whole ticking clock thing) come back to kill him?  To find out, watch the Film.

Damn crazy and actually kind of good.  Right off that bat, let me make this clear: Assassination Classroom- The Graduation is not for everyone.  It is about a yellow superbeing training 'teens' in both their Studies and how to kill him.  It is chock full of weird, crazy moments.  Korosensei dressed as a Dog- check.  Korosensei dressed as a Policeman- check.  Korosensei stopping a Sniper by running at him with super-speed, dressing him up like a Character in his Play and making him part of it- surprisingly...check.  Aside from all of the crazy stuff, you actually get some emotional stuff when you learn about his past and the connection to one of his Students.  You also get some crazy Action moments, including the classic 'walking away from an Explosion' trope.  This one is all about filling in the blanks, so it certainly benefits you to watch the first Film.  If you didn't, they also explain everything to you, so yea for that.  This is a fitting and fun conclusion to the tale.  If you are the right kind of crazy, this one has what you need.

Fun and freaky stuff.  The Story actually gets kind of emotional...for how insane it all is.