Tubi Thursday: Tomb Raider (2018)

Well, I've seen the knockoff.  
Let me see the original...

Well, the original Film based on like 10 Video Games and that is like 3 Reboots deep.

It's...

In London, Lara Croft is a grizzled(ish) woman is working dead end jobs.

Why is she so upset?

Well, her Father disappeared 7 years ago.

He was a Businessman and now she learns the truth.

He was an Explorer looking for the Tomb of a Japanese Death Goddess...as you do.

In spite of him telling her to burn his notes (to keep it from a group called Trinity), she keeps them and uses them to find the Island that supposedly houses her body.

She's rescued (but also not really) by Walton Goggins, who has been stuck there the whole time trying to find the Tomb himself.

She teams up (albeit relatively briefly) with the Boat Captain who took her there.

They work to free the people forced into slave labor.

Her Arc from Aimless Would-be Badass to actual Badass is nearly complete.

It is also worth noting that adapting a high end game made to run on PCs (even in, say, 2016) means that distinguishing between Game Footage and Film Footage is not as easy as it should be.

Do we need this?

Can Lara go full Rise of the Tomb Raider here?

Can she stop Goggins?

Can she find out the secret of the Death Goddess before it is too late?

To find out, stream it now (although it expires in 13 days at time of writing)

An enjoyable Action Film that is slightly elevated by the talent involved.

Right off the bat, this one is far more engaging than The Asylum's.  That one just didn't hook me.

It is a credit to the Cast- especially Vikander and Goggins- that the Characters are fleshed out and somewhat interesting.  The former really commits to the physicality and how it would effect Lara.

The latter is still mostly just evil, but you can understand his motivations.

It is hard not to compare this one to Uncharted- for obvious reasons.  This one feels a bit more intense and more focused, if we're being honest.

In a way, I'm sad to see this be a one-off.  Some of these people really tried hard.
Alas, we're getting yet another Reboot...but this isn't it.

This is a Chinese Bootleg I'll inevitably review.

A fairly enjoyable Film that works by feeling grounded and intense.  I do wish that they'd taken some more actual risks and less stock elements though.

Bail Bond: Dr. No (1962)

 Bizarro.  Mondo Bizarro.

Dr. No is the first James Bond Film (but not his first appearance).  This is the Film that began a Cinematic Empire that has grossed over $7 billion in Theater Profits (not adjusted for inflation).

How did it start?

Bond is sent to Jamaica to figure out who or what is interfering with American attempts to launch shuttles/ships to win the Space Race with Russia.

Will we get all of the cliches set up in this one or will we have to wait?
I won't leave you shaken or stirred, so let's jump right into...

The quirky Intro with silhouettes, bright colors and good music is seen here.

Interestingly though, they actually feature these three blind guys who walk out of the Intro...

...and into the Film.  That's inventive.

A bunch of rich guys are doing business when one is called away.  They walk past him...and then shoot him, revealing themselves to be enemy agents!

Across the pond from Jamaica, Bond is playing cards before he's called in.

Was this supposed to connect to Casino Royale?

He's assigned to work a case in that lovely Island as an assistant to the US Government.

Their launches are being stopped via radio interference from a source somewhere nearby.

He is impossible to miss as he arrives, a posh Brit (or Scot) in a gray suit.

He fends off an attack on his life IMMEDIATELY by a fake Cab Driver.

Bond is also being tailed by...the guy from Hawaii Five-O?!?

This is a Cold War Spy Film, so know what you are going to get.

Bond puts dust on his briefcase to check for tampering.
He puts a hair on a door.
He fights off random hitmen.

He figures out that the obviously-lying guy is lying and the woman scheming to keep him is up to no good.

He just waits there while the guy shows up and shoots the pillow.
I love that he's just playing cards and chilling.

He's told that nobody can go no near Dr. No's Island...so obviously he's going there.

They get in at night and hide, planning to explore it in the morning.

Of course, something comes up first- mainly the most iconic Bond Girl Intro ever.

They are pursued by No's men, however, and run across his dragon (actually a tank that shoots flames).

They are captured by No's forces and hosed down to get rid of the radioactivity.

We finally see the titular No at around the 80-minute mark (the Film is about 100-minutes long).

He's played by Canadian Joseph Wiseman and he works for SPECTRE, a group of enemies that Bond will fight for the next few Decades.

No tries to recruit Bond, he rejects the offer.

Bond escapes from his cell- possibly inspiring Die Hard as he works through the vents in a tank top- and takes the place of one of No's Scientists.

He makes the reactor overload and fights No, causing him to end up in the pool full of radioactive water from the nuclear pile.

Ouch.

Bond and Honey escape the Island, deciding to stay behind in a boat while having sex.
Classic Bond. 
The End.

A solid start, even if the Film take a while to get going.

You have to know what to expect with this one.  Bond is a Cold War Spy.  He's not going to steal planes, blow up dams or, to name something crazy, outrun a space laser controlled by a North Korean madman in an invisible sports car.

What a silly idea.

This early Bond still punches and shoots men, while making time to seduce men.  A TV Spy would stop the lady who wanted to seduce and then kill him.
Bond sleeps with her and THEN stops her.

Many things are missing here, from Q's Gadgets to 'Shaken, not Stirred.'  They'll be here soon.

The Film also features the technical issues that come with Films of the day, like Rear Projection and some obvious Stunt Doubles.

All that said, Dr. No is an enjoyable, if far less flashy Bond Film that set everything in motion.
Plus, it was obviously filmed in Jamaica.  Need proof?

Red Stripe was created in Illinois?!?

Next up, the second ever Bond Film.  This Films leans hard into spy craft and is often considered the Best Connery Bond Film- no pressure!  Stay tuned...

Fiction vs. Fiction: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II- The Secret of the Ooze

 A Book version of a rushed Sequel?  Radical!

I bought this long ago, before I even got the DVD Set.

It was only 105 pages long (with Pictures and Size 22 font), so why not check it out?

The last FvF was about BB.  This one was written by B.B.

What's the Same?

The Plot doesn't change at all.

This is, after all, the Film Adaptation.  It is not a case where they changed all that much that matters.

That said, there were a few notable tweaks that made this worth double-dipping.

Some tagline, eh?

                                     What's Different?

As I said, the Plot doesn't change.

Instead, we get a big explanation to start with.

In the Book, right before they fight the Robbers in the beginning, Leonardo challenges himself and the other Turtles to not use their weapons during the next fight.  Something about being a Ninja.

In the Film, this is not addressed.  It was literally done to make the Film 'less violent' (again, they never even cut someone, but whatever!).

They also cover up Keno BEFORE they do half of a fight in front of him in the Book.  Nice.

In the Film, the Lab Computer crashes before the Foot Clan shows up.  In the Book, Donatello narrowly avoids AN ARROW shot at his head, which shorts out the Computer.

I must have had some of these...

The 'keep away' fight is also cut down to a single paragraph.  Boo.

In the Book, Michelangelo is caught faking his Backflip Practice, asks where to restart and begins at 1.  In the Film, a simple look from Splinter makes him know to start at 1.

Neither can explain why the Nightclub is right next to the Docks (outside of calling it the 'Dockside Club.'

In a minor tweak, they make the anti-mutagen work by spraying seltzer down the mutants' throats.  In the Film, it is done with fire extinguishers.

In the Film, the Turtles don't address the crowd and the Rapper is Vanilla Ice.  In the Book, they do that and he's just 'the Rap Performer' (saves on licensing fees!).

Both Book and Film fail to explain how one Canister can be used to mutate Tokka and Rahzar AND still have a full canister left to use on Super Shredder.
Oh well!

In the Book, Splinter doesn't get the last line of 'I made another funny!'  Good?

Final Thoughts

This one is, again, not as a big a thing as others where Books where changed (and sometimes the Film itself was also changed) drastically.

This is the Kid/Young Teen Novelization and only has minor tweaks.

The Book gives you the feel of the Story, some slight explanation for things...but also doesn't let you truly enjoy the banter between our Heroes.

As such, the nod ultimately goes to (warts and all)...

The Film.

If you couldn't afford/beg your Parents enough to buy the Film on VHS, this is a good substitute.  It's just not quite as funny to hear about backflipping Ninja Turtles, you know?

Streaming Standard: Wednesday- Season 2 (Part 2)

*Snap Snap*

Might as well talk about this before everyone moves on, as is the short shelf-life of Streaming Hits these days!

After setting up about 16 Subplots in the first 4 Episodes, how do things wrap up in...

New threats.
Old faces.
Fester appearing in 1 Episode and disappearing.

Wednesday is not in a great place as the 2nd half of the Season begins.

Once she recovers, she continues to work the case.

Now there are new angles and she has to work with the Lady from Ab Fab (aka Grandma).

She's not a kooky lady who torments people who ended up at the wrong House.

A familiar Hyde is back on the loose, but he's not alone.

When family gets involved with Monsters, nothing good comes out of it.

Meanwhile, Steve Buscemi- as the new Head of Nevermore Academy- is working his own angle(s).

He's here to fill out the B and C-Plots nicely.

Grandma Addams becomes a key player in the intertwining Plots.

There's a whole thing with Mothers and Daughters not getting along.
It is not the least bit subtle (while also being very effective).

Enid has her own Subplots, what with a romance one (taking the place of Wednesday's love triangle in Season 1) and her Werewolf Heritage coming strongly into play.

Can Billie Piper- who was ironically a Frankenstein creation on Penny Dreadful- help her?

Can she help herself?

This is far too soon for SPOILERS (plus what is TikTok for?), so to find out what happens, Stream the Show now.

A strong conclusion to the Season, quirks, twists and all.

The best thing about the Show is that there is plenty going on.

If you're not interested in Wednesday's main Plot, there's Enid's, the Dean's and others.

The trade-off, however, is that it also means that you may have to take notes to keep track of things, especially if you don't binge it.

I'm that guy- the one who spaces out these Shows to enjoy them in chunks.  Sorry?

If you watch the Episodes with, for instance, a two-day separation, it might take a moment to recap yourself.  The Show does help, to be fair.

A big thing here is that ever-present balance of Wednesday being a smart planner who isn't usually caught off guard with her also being vulnerable.
Ortega really pulls this off with subtle surprise and dismay.

Other than my general concern that people will eventually associate The Addams Family with Tim Burton and not Bary Sonnefeld, I highly recommend the Show- now complete.

As always, there's more of these...

Don't ask why Wednesday and Enid are meeting Groot.

A Show that manages to be creepy, kooky and just really damn good.  Now the long wait until Season 3 begins.

Shudder Day: Tales from the Crypt- Demon Knight (1995)

 As long as I'm in the 1990s (mostly) this week, let me carry that over to this one.

I wasn't allowed to watch Tales from the Crypt as a kid and never really saw too much of it still as an adult.
Should I?

Regardless, I did watch the 1995 Film spun off from the Series...

The Cryptkeeper appears in the Intro- as he did on the Show- as a Director of a Horror Film, complete with a John Laroquette cameo.

He goes to his Trailer to show off his latest work, which is this Film.

A drifter- William Sadler- is on the run from a bad guy- Billy Zane.

Both survive a fiery wreck and the former hides out at a Hotel, which contains our Cast of dead meats.

Amongst the group is Thomas Haden Church, Jada Pinkett, CCH Pounder and Charles Fleischer, who run into in the weirdest Films.

Zane finds him and tries to get the Cops to hand over a strange, blood-filled cross that Sadler has.

When that fails, he kills the Sheriff and summons some Demons to kill those inside!

Now they are trapped inside, but at least the blood can create (temporary) seals to keep the creatures out...for now.

Naturally, none of these people get along, so the simple plan of 'Just wait for the Sun to come up' is not too easy.

Zane manages to tempt members of the group, which then allows them to transform into his demons.

The only way to stop them is to destroy the eyes, which must just be a common 'demon' lore.

I thought Brimstone made that up!

As the body count rises and the Sun inevitably nears rising, can our remaining Heroes resist temptation?

To be fair, he was the damn Phantom and is in the 4th Highest Grossing Film of all time!

Can Sadler get Pinkett (no Smith yet) to learn the ropes before it is too late.

You know that these can sometimes have 'unhappy' Endings, so who knows?

To find out, stream (for the first time or revisit) it now...

A fun Film, even if it doesn't really attempt to break new ground.

The Film is full of visuals and ideas that you are probably familiar with.

People trapped in a House.
Possession of a person combined with a transformation.
A snarky devil Character.
A stubble-sporting Hero with a secret.

The news stuff is how the demons look, with glowing green eyes and distorted features.
They look good, done with old school prosthetics and make-up work.

The big draw here is Billy Zane as the evil Devil/Demon guy.  When he finally shows his true nature and starts to tempt the people in the House, he's great.

Watch it for him if you like that kind of quirky, charismatic bad guy.

All in all, whether you know/love/hate Tales from the Crypt, this self-contained Film is good, old-school (yes, it is weird calling '90s stuff old-school) Horror fun.

A Film that works for those that love this kind of gritty, old-school stuff.  It doesn't connect to the Show, so don't worry about getting caught up.

'90s Trash?: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

 At long last, I finally revisit a Film that I remember disappointing me as a kid in Theaters.

Will I like it better today?

This is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, a Film that is sometimes given a new Subtitle.  You see, the 4th Video Game was called 'Turtles in Time' and this Plot involves Time Travel.

So, somehow, people started to convince themselves that this Film had the same Subtitle.  
My DVD's Box Art says 'yes.'  The DVD itself says 'no' and the Title Card also says 'no.'

Confused yet?

The Plot involves the Turtles using a Japanese Artifact to Time Travel to 1603 when said device accidentally sends April back there!  That old cliche.

This one was supposedly made to cater to the Japanese Market, given that the 2nd Film cost twice as much and made about a third of the profit ($78 vs $200 million).
The Film...was never released Theatrically in Japan.

To see if this truly is the stinker of the Trilogy, read on...

Some vague amount of time has passed since the 2nd Film as the Turtles have no spruced up their Sewer Lair.

They don't have the Foot Clan to fight, but do keep the City safe...or so we're told.  We see nothing.

Speaking of seeing, if these look 'off' to you at all, that's because Henson's Company didn't work on this Film, being replaced by the All Effects Company.

In Feudal Japan, the son of a Lord objects to him fighting a war backed by a foreign arms dealer.

Desperate, he takes the family's artifact and activates it...

...which causes him to switch places with April O'Neil, who just brought the Artifact home as a gift to Splinter (whose Puppet is 99% immobile here).

They also switch clothes, so the Adult version of me is wondering if that guy is now wearing ladies' underwear.
Admit it- the thought crossed your mind too!

They find her where they last saw the Son, so they understandably freak out.

The Arms Dealer (famous 'That Guy' Stuart Wilson) tries to scare her, but fails.

He's up to no good.

She's thrown into a Dungeon and sees...Casey Jones with short hair and beard?

Yes, they got Elias Koteas back as Casey (who was cut when they wanted a 'less violent' Film for Part 2) in the Present Scenes (wearing a now obvious wig) and in these Scenes playing his descendant named 'Whit.'

The Turtles use the Artifact to travel back to rescue April and are given an arbitrary 60 hour deadline in which to do so.

The group is separated, but eventually reunite to save a Village from the Lord and Wilson's men.

During all this, Raphael (who was feeling unwanted in NYC) bonds with a kid named 'Yoshi.'

This one is far cuter than the other Yoshi we got in a 1993 Film.

The Turtles join the Resistance- naturally- and we get some fighting with *gasp* their actual weapons.

They are allowed to do this, since the Soldier have them too...I guess.

Whit seems to betray the group, but then feels bad about it.

After a failed attempt to kill Leonardo with a cannon (perhaps inspiring Kung Fu Panda?), Wilson flees and falls to his death in the Ocean...but they didn't add a splash in, so he just vanishes into the water.

Raphael and Michelangelo both want to stay (for slightly different reasons), but eventually concede.

Mikey is a few seconds later and we tease him being stuck there...for about 10 seconds.

The random Drama ends when the Turtles reunite and dance like in the beginning.
The End.

It's...not terrible, but I don't think it is that memorable either.
The fact that people continue to conflate this Film and a different Video Game says plenty, doesn't it?

This Story is apparently *sort of* based on the Comics.  The problem is that this version excises all of the Mirage's Villains, replacing them with a generic Lord and a British bad guy.

Stuart Wilson is referred to once as 'Zorro guy' in this one btw and he would be the Villain in the first Antonio Banderas Zorro Film about 5 years later. 

The Turtles themselves look a bit off here, as the new animatronics are a bit spottier with more lip flap than in the previous Films.  The downward trend towards the Suits used in the Live Tour and The Next Mutation begins here.

The Plot is just not that interesting, no matter how many Characters and Subplots they throw in here.  No villains or moments really stand out.
It is just pretty damn forgettable.

By the way, if you need a Forest to sub in for Japan, just go to Astoria, Washington like they did.

Next up, let me jump all of the way back to the 1960s.  Let's see how Bond...James Bond debuted (as part of a look at every Film eventually).  Stay tuned...