New Shorts: World of Tomorrow

This is the shortest thing I've reviewed that wasn't a Segment on Twilight Zone.  World of Tomorrow is only 16 minutes long, but it is glorious.  From the crazy mind of Don Hertzfeldt comes this Short...

A young girl goes up to her TV Console.  What comes next is anything but what she expected...

She is sent a message from the future.  It is from...herself.

To be honest, it is too complicated and too strange to explain and/or SPOIL here.

Her descendant tells her about life in the future.  Life is...complicated and freaky, let's just say that.

Will the girl's glimpse of the future end up being a positive one or not?  To find out, check this one out!

 My kind of weird.  The Story is all sorts of bizarre.  It is a pretty simple one when you break it down, but who's complaining?  The Short is chock full of bizarre randomness and creativity.  Earlier works by the same Artist tended to play with the simple animation.  In this one, the basic animation as far as the character models is concerned is the same.  It is accented by all sorts of colors, patterns and designs to make it more palatable.  On top of that, the basic designs of the people allows for Hertzfeldt to show all kinds of dark, freaky things happening.  If they looked more like people, it would be super-disturbing!  It is still dark and trippy- don't get me wrong.  If you like dark, bizarre humor, this one is a can't miss.  If you're just into the Disney stuff, steer clear.  While many people may not know this Artist's name, World of Tomorrow shows why they should!  Was that a subtle enough plug?

Crazy, crazy fun.  Kudos, Mr. Hertzfeldt.

'Black' History: Black Mirror- The National Anthem

Since it is Black History Month, let's finally start talking about Black Mirror.  I already did their Christmas Special, after all.

What you need to know: it is a British Sci-Fi Anthology Show.  The first Story became quite topical last year, so let's take a look...

A video appears of a popular Princess- in the vein of Diana- having been kidnapped.  She will be killed if their demands are not met.  Their demands...

The Prime Minister must have sex with a pig.

Yeah, that would be my reaction too.

With the threat real, the rules laid out and only hours to decide, what is the Government to do?

As the time ticks down, the World is watching.

Gee, it sure is hard to decipher this complex social commentary!

Will the Prime Minister have sex with the pig or will he find a way out?

To find out, watch the Show.  It is on Netflix, so...no excuses, fellow Yankees!

Interesting stuff.  It sure ain't subtle though.  To think, the people that gave us Jeeves & Wooster are also giving us a tale about forced bestiality to save a Princess!  This one got a bit of attention last year when allegations were made about British Prime Minster David Cameron and a dead pig.  What are the odds?!?  This one keeps the drama going well and ratchets the tension up nicely.  You see the Story from a number of different perspectives- from Reporters to Civilians to Politicians.  They make this feel as real as possible, so kudos.  If you're worried about it being too graphic, don't.  I won't SPOIL things, but do you really think that you are going to see on-screen bestiality here?  I mean, this isn't an Italian Cannibal Film!  All in all, a strong, thought-provoking Episode to start the Series off.  I can only hope to do their numbers...

With several more Episodes to cover, this should be a good February.  More Mirror to come...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: The Hateful Eight

Well, I've waited long enough.  Even so, minor SPOILER Warning...

In The Hateful Eight, a group of strangers get stuck in a Cabin.  Who is the bad guy?  Who can they trust?

Before they get there, THIS guy is along for the whole ride.  First, he has to be the only one to ride outside and keep the wagon moving...

When they get to the Cabin, he has to put the Wagon AND Horses away, while the others warm up.

Later still, he is tasked- along with one other man- with tying the line to mark the way to the Outhouse.  To say that it is an easy task would be a lie!

So....after all of that, he ends up being poisoned!

Yeah, his death is not quick, painless or easy.

Sucks to be you.

The lesson: don't run a Wagon.

I guess that's not really much of a business these days, huh?  Hmm...I guess don't drive a Cab either.

Those Rickshaws are okay- well, except for that one time.  Kind of a mixed message, huh?

Immediate Response: Deadpool

I couldn't wait too long to see this one, so I got it done today.  As a bonus, it was free!  Let's see how it all ended up...

The Good

* The Film is funny as hell.
* The Action is fun, frenetic and inventive.
* The Special Effects are great, really showing off Deadpool's powers.
* Kudos to Ryan Reynolds for giving Deadpool some real character depth (between all the insanity).
* As weird as this sounds, all the 4th Wall breaking doesn't really take away from the Drama.
* There is a Character named Negasonic Teenage Warhead and one named Bob.  It has it all!

The Bad

* You'll either love or hate Deadpool.  He doesn't have much of a middle-ground.
* The Film has a hard R-Rating, meaning all but full-on Nudity.
* If you don't like Violence, this is not for you.

That said, I like Deadpool, can deal with the Rating and love the Film's ridiculous violence.  If I'm not fair about this though, you know that Wade Wilson himself will show up and shoot me.

We're cool, Deadpool- your Movie rocks!!!

Holiday WTF Japan?!?: The Rapeman

After Star of David: Hunting for Beautiful Girls, it has been hard to do something quite as crazy.  Today I seek to rectify that situation.  While this Film doesn't have Rape, Murder, Kidnapping, Implied Bestiality and Incest, it is all sorts of messed up!  Today's Film is The Rapeman, a 1993 Film from Japan that defies all logic.  Our hero- a man who is hired to rape women.  Hero is a strong word, isn't it?  The Story involves political intrigue, rape, the Mafia, rape, slapstick comedy and, oh yeah, rape.  I should mention that this Film is meant to be a Comedy.  You so crazy, Japan!  If the name of the Film sounds familiar, it is because it was mentioned on Law & Order: SVU.  Remember when that Show was relevant?  Good times.  The whole thing is very weird and very Japanese, so break out the wine to enjoy this 'romantic' Film...

The Film opens by bringing us this mean, shrill woman.  Who said that Women's Lib was a thing in 1993 Japan?

Said woman is confronted by Rapeman- who dresses like 1993 George Michael in a mask- and, well, you get the idea.

To note: this is very Softcore and only features a little Nudity.  It is Japan, so why do things like you expect?

Our 'hero' is a Teacher who works with his Uncle.  Raping for Hire should be a family business!

Take a look at their twisted view of reality, by the way...

After believing an obvious lie, our hero takes another victim.  Please enjoy this choppy Editing to seem artistic...in this Rape Scene.

As it turns out, she was lying!  She is working with a Mafia-style Boss to discredit a person running for the Senate.  Woodward and Bernstein's source was actually The Rapeman, by the way.

Now armed with the knowledge, our hero...well, you take a guess what he does.

Yeah, that's it.  The day is saved.

As the Film comes to a close, I have to cover the 'romance' angle here.  Stay with me...

This Reporter takes shots of Rapeman's Office.
He shows up and threatens to, you know, if she doesn't give him the Photos.
The Photos lead them to the real case and he works with her in his civilian identity.
When all is resolved, she shows up and asks for Rapeman's services.  The client is...

Wow.  Just...just wow.  This Film sure is dark.  This Film sure is wacky.  This Film is sure is WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?  To be clear, our Hero rapes women for money.  He presumably only goes after people that 'deserve' it, making him out to be some sort of Robin...er, Raping Hood.  That's...just no.  Criminals kill for money in this Film.  You rape people for money in this Film.  You aren't the good guy.  If this is supposed to be some sort of dark Satire, it fails.  It doesn't seem to be in on 'the joke' at all.  What is even the joke again?  He's a good guy that rapes women?  Who's laughing?  The tone is so odd here, going from serious to wacky to serious to wacky.  In one Scene, he gets fake drunk, sneaks off to rape the bad lady in the Women's Room and then returns acting fake drunk.  It's alright- she loved it!  No.  Star of David: Hunting for Beautiful Girls was all sorts of twisted, but it knew it.  Assault! Jack the Ripper was dark, twisted and also knew it.  This one seems to think that is is funny and charming.  It just forces itself upon you, not letting you decide what to do or how to feel.  I don't know how I can describe this feeling of helplessness.  I wish that there was something that I could compare what this Film does to you, but I just can't think of one!   In any case, this is strange, but not really funny.  There are apparently more of these out there, but I have to get through at least the remaining three Raped by an Angel Films first, right?  As you enjoy your day with your beloved, here is a reminder what NOT to say when you walk into a Police Station...

Seriously though, this one was just plain trippy.  Like Brown Acid trippy- the bad kind.

Unreviewed Film Bonanza 2015

Believe it or not, I watch more Films than I even Review here.  No, there's LOTS more.

To make up for that, here is a short Summary of Films from 2015 that I watched, but did not Review.  Let's make up for it now in bulk, Costco-style.  Now updated with stuff I've seen since and/or forgotten to cover before (at the top)...

Trainwreck

A really fun and raunchy Film.  You could argue that it gives up on being a satire of Romantic Comedies by the end, but...eh, I still liked it.  Best John Cena Film for sure.

Poltergeist (2015)

A really by-the-numbers and pointless Remake.  Did they add anything?  No.  Is the CG silly and unnecessary?  Yes.

The Transporter: Refueled

A lot of flash and substance, ultimately meaning nothing.  It sure has alot of flash though, so it can be mindless fun.

Hotel Transylvania 2

A fun Film, but it doesn't feel as good as the Original.  The first one had a less rushed and sensible Story, while this one rushes through like 2 Films worth of stuff to get to a passable one.

Pan

It clearly cost alot of money.  It just isn't a very interesting Story and was made with no Market in mind.  Who wanted a Peter Pan Prequel that didn't even set up the dynamic properly again?!?

Ted 2

It is funny.  It was weird to write Kunis out, but otherwise it is really, really good.

Hitman: Agent 47

A better Film than Hitman, but is that the bar?  It is very bleak and mostly flash over substance.  The titular Hero is just not likable or interesting enough to carry this.

Cop Car

Good Film.  Kids in peril totally works here and Bacon is great.  See it.

San Andreas

Disaster Porn at its best and worst.  The Rock is good...but you've seen this 1,000 times already.

Seventh Son

Fantasy that attempts to start something new...while giving you nothing new.  Jeff Bridges one-ups the Tom Hardy 'Bane' voice though, if that helps.

The Divergent Series: Insurgent

I don't know why I do this to myself.  Generic YA Sci-Fi nonsense.  On the plus side, no Maze.

American Ultra

I'm also 'too dumb' to like new ideas apparently.  Nobody in this Film is likable and it is flashy with no pay-off.

Furious 7

I don't know how this made a billion dollars.  Yes, it is over-the-top and stupid with no sense of irony.  The Plot is ridiculous, seemingly written by a group of five-year olds.

Taken 3

Don't be taken with this one.  Not funny?  Oh, well this one isn't good enough for a good pun.

Vacation

Stupid, gross fun.  I can't help it- I didn't hate this.  Sue me.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

Just as dumb and gross as anything out there, but it kind of works.  My taste can't be explained, so don't bother trying.

Well, that's it.  I'm done.

Bye now.

Millennial Trash: Recon 2023- The Gauda Prime Conspiracy

In Space, nobody can hear me say 'Ugh!'  Today's Film is Recon 2023: The Gauda Prime Conspiracy, a 2009 Sci-Fi Film.  I will forgive you for not being familiar with this one- you have no reason to be.  Basically, I have a connection to this Film that does nothing to make me actually like it.  Back in the day when you could walk into a Hollywood Video or a Blockbuster Video- the halcyon days!-, you'd find this kind of junk all over the place.  In fact, that's where I found the original Film- Recon 2020.  It isn't good, but you can forgive some of it because of the Budget.  Bob saw the 2nd Film- Recon 2022- and didn't have much good to say about it.  I haven't, but...why would I?  Now, after years of lingering in my Netflix Queue like some sort of mole in a spot where you can't quite deal with it, Recon 2023 ended up at my house and got a watch.  I'm less forgiving of it now.  If you haven't watched the previous 2 Films, don't worry.  Continuity is not exactly important when you can barely muster a Story, after all.  Said Story involves some evil Aliens with a dream machine- damn you, white noise!- that is apparently affecting all of humanity.  The plan: find it and disarm it.  You'd think that a Story this simple would be nigh impossible to screw up.  You could make it uninteresting- sure, I'll grant you that- but it would still make sense.  Not so much here, but the reasons are a bit complicate.  To find out why you should be glad you never spent your $1.99 on this, read on...

Back in 2003, some Aliens showed up.

So that crazy Greek from the History Channel was right- he was just off on the timing!

Their goal: destroy us!  They succeed.

The real tragedy: this negates such things as the cure for AIDS in 2004 (Firepower), the end of mankind's technology in 2013 (Escape from L.A.) and the birth of Rutger Hauer-bot in 2016 (Blade Runner).

After that, we see some Space Marines (thanks, Aliens!) crash their ship.  One of them sees something freaky (below), but it was a dream.

This idea is 'so good' that they do it AGAIN and expect you to be surprised.  I'm not.

Further delaying what little Plot this Film has is a 5 minute Parody bit with a P.I. in a Porn Film, complete with Grindhouse effects.  This isn't funny or interesting, so by all means continue!

 They FINALLY get their assignment to go to Gauda Prime, but even this can't be done with a 'joke' as their C.O. has a Hawaiian-themed Office.

Why?  How?  So?!?

Skipping ahead, we see our heroes finally reach Prime and...just kind of wander around.  Action!

Enough of that- here's a Family Guy-style cutaway gag.  No, really.

The joke is that our Lead is an idiot and was given a Doctorate for money.  Ha?

After all of this, there's still like forty-five minutes left!  I lost interest right around the time this happened.  Can you blame me?  The End.

Not the same old crap- just new crap.  The Film is...yeah, it is not good.  The biggest problem to start with: the Tone.  It is a bizarre mix of Comedy and Drama that just doesn't work.  The Actors don't do the Drama very convincingly and they aren't all that funny.  In fact, most of the Characters are assholes.  Don't you just want to relate to and laugh with them?!?  In addition, they way they go about both is all sorts of confusing.  Long, drawn-out Comedy bits right out of the gate- why?  Actual Cutaway Gags in a Film- why?!?  Having a Character killed by a joke one out of nowhere- WHY!?!?  This whole thing is misguided and sad.  It just isn't good.  The actual Plot should be enough for them, but they muddy it all up.  They keep cutting back and forth between Gauda Prime and the Space Station.  It really takes away from what is supposed to be an immersive environment to do so.  The conflict should be a solid one, but even that is hard to follow and/or care about.  Some Aliens are the bad guys, but so is this lady on the Space Station and this burn victim guy.  Why?  There's a whole Sub-Plot about how these Androids are mistreated, but it really goes nowhere.  It is so bad and disappointing that I feel like I have to curse it in Yiddish.  Oy vey!  While it doesn't have a Beholder in it, it does have a giant, angry CG Chicken and that is good enough for me.  Speaking of something thought to be good enough, maybe don't linger on the shot of this fake hand if you can't get the squibs to go off in proper time...

Next up, I knock another Country off of my Horror Film Bucket List.  As a bonus, it is an After Dark Horrorfest Film, so this should be worth exploring.  Stay tuned...