Instant Horror Crap: The Devil Within Her

You will believe that a baby could punch you in the face!  Today's film is The Devil Within Her, the older and less-funny version of The Devil Inside.  Actually, it has nothing to do with that film and was made in the '70s. It is also not to be confused with The Devil Within (featuring one Bill Oberst Jr).  It also has nothing to do with THIS Devil Within Her, which is also known as faux Beyond the Door...which led to two 'sequels.'  Before I confuse anyone any further, let me tell you why this movie should be famous: demon baby with super-strength.  Oh yeah, this is real.  Joan Collins has a baby, only to find out that it has super-strength and ain't taking no shit from anyone.  You think that I jest- I do not.  The whole film is built around people being scared of a killer baby.  It doesn't even have giant teeth like It's Alive.  Instead, it's presented through pretty-lame trick photography and random shots of a baby not seeming to be aware of anything.  Thrilling!  To find out why this movie fails and succeeds in many ways, read on...

Joan Collins- who I forget is British- and her Italian fiancee have a baby.  What could possibly go wrong?

 Oh right- it turns out that her baby is possessed by the Devil.  Want to know why?

Well, she spurned the advances of a Dwarf performer at a Night Club about a year earlier.  Being a Dwarf, he curses her child to be born possessed by Satan.

I don't question this, so why should you?

Donald Pleasance is here...to deliver his lines with all of the conviction of someone who just doesn't give a shit.  He gets his later though...

When Doctors and Nuns work together...nothing really happens.  Like much of this movie, it just kind of exists.  Oh well.

To make this more interesting (than the movie), I'll highlight two of the 'baby's' biggest moments.  First, it pushes a babysitter into a lake.

This kills her, you see, since she hits the water and lightly drifts against a rock.  Apparently her head was made of tissue paper.

When Collins brings the man who may or may not be the baby daddy home to see it, it punches him in the face.  Oh yeah- that happened.

The brief shining light in this film is John Steiner- who's appeared in such film as Yor, Hunter from the Future, Sinbad of the Seven Seas and Beyond the Door II- who's always awesome.  Naturally, he's barely in the film.

Skipping ahead, the movie kills off its main characters in silly, silly ways.  The baby somehow breaks out and sets up a noose trap to kill the husband.  No, really.

Later on, it sets up a trap to decapitated Dr. Pleasance...with a shovel.  Words fail me, gentlemen.

In the End, everyone except the Nun Sister, who does an exorcism to save the baby...which also kills the Dwarf.

By the way, he was at the Club the whole time.  This never came up?  The End.

How do you kill a movie premise so viciously?  What's good- the goofy premise, the shots of London and John Steiner.  I love the guy- I make no qualms about that.  What's bad- the pacing, the execution and the overall tone of the movie.  I wanted to laugh at the silly premise and the dramatic acting...but they really make it suck.  It just doesn't have anything going for it...in spite of the silly premise.  Seriously- it's an evil, killer baby...and they made it boring.  Is it any wonder that I haven't mustered up the interest to watch this film in the multiple months that it has sat in my Instant Queue.  Given that I saw part of it on AMC like four years ago and finally watched it this week, it should say a lot about the film.  The bottom line: the killer baby parts are so ridiculous that they're funny.  Everything else is boring as hell.  When a movie relies on this shot to inspire terror, you know that nothing good will come of it...

Next up, a blatant knock-off of an overrated horror film from the '80s.  Will Netflix's VHS transfer turn the tide?  Stay tuned...

Because I Watched It: Rifftrax Live Show Promotion

Yes, I'm blatantly-promoting a show that I am not getting paid for.  Maybe the folks at Rifftrax could fix that- hint hint.

'Birdemic' is a truly terrible movie.  In fact, it *may* be showing up in some future Terrible-ness.  Wink.

If you need more reasons to see this show- playing Live in Theaters nation-wide-, here's the guys themselves promoting the show.

In case I didn't make this direct enough, here's one more...

So yeah, go see it.  I am.  If you happen to live in the same city as me, you'll be able to see me there.

If not, just imagine that you can.

I should be able to squeeze one more Because I Watched It in before Halloween.  What will make the cut?  Stay tuned...

Mondo Bizarro Reviews Anime: Moeyo Ken

I suppose I've put this off as long as possible.  Here's my second Anime review...

Moeyo Ken is a show that my friend and fellow Blogger hates.  Naturally, that made me want to see it.  After all, he loves Anime and hates this, then, theoretically, I should like this...since I don't care for Anime.  What were the results?

It's okay.  I don't hate it...but I don't really love it all that much either.

Moeyo Ken is an odd show to talk about, as it is a wacky comedy...set in a Historical setting.  It's not on some alien planet- it's set during the time in Japan where they made a transition from a Feudal Society into a Modern one.

Oh and there are monsters.

So yeah, it's a wacky comedy show set in a Historical setting...which is not all that realistic in a number of ways.  Instead, they made monsters an allegory for Samurai.  Interesting.

So why does my friend hate this show.  Two reasons...

1. It's generic.  I'll grant him that, to a certain extent.  It's not super-deep or subtle, so it mostly just hits on similar notes to other shows.  Even the artwork is reminiscent of earlier work by its creator- the man behind Ranma 1/2.

2. Its main comic-relief character- Nekomaru.

I get it.  I completely disagree, but I get it.

This character is voiced by Edwin Neal- notable for being the voice of 'Lord Zed' and playing the 'Hitchhiker' in the original TCM- and seems to mimic Paul Lynde.  That happens to also be the inspiration for 'Roger' on American Dad- a character that I love.  So this is a moot point for me.

The good and bad part of this show is the comedy.  It's goofy and makes the show never seem all that serious.  Wacky moments include...

1. A horny toad causing a digging machine to burrow into the Earth (don't ask).
2. A lady monster who finds that her stand-up comedy activates her freezing powers (don't ask)
3. When our heroines summon a goddess, they inadvertently destroy the city (don't ask).

If I had to make one major complaint, it's the censorship.  This appears to have been done after the fact, as I'm told that most shows would make a joke out of it if it was done by them.  I mean, just look at this...

Water doesn't work that way!!!

In summary, this is a wacky show that does nothing more than be wacky.  It's historical allegory is completely-buried in the absurdity.  That said- I don't hate it.  It's probably something that I'll still watch from time to time.  It's always fun to annoy your friends, right?  Hey look- Team Rocket!

Next up, a variation on the Harem Anime.  This one has giant boobs and...what else do you need?  Stay tuned...

WTF Korea?!?: Chawz

* Well, it's a Sunday update for once.  Take the good with the bad. *

It's the South Korean version of Razorback!  Today's film is Chawz, a movie I'm still trying to figure out.  Is it a Horror film?  Given the body count and story, I'd say 'yes.'  Is it a Comedy?  Well, we have comic-relief characters and pratfalls, so I'd say 'yes' again.  Is it an Environmental film?  Given that the film vilifies Poachers and human action, I'd say 'yes' to that as well.  It's really hard to pin down...which could be good or bad, depending on how you feel.  On the plus side, it's not Save the Green Planet!  So what is the movie about?  Well, as you may have guessed, it's about a giant, killer boar- this time in South Korea.  The movie is kind of a mixed bag of Horror, Comedy and wackiness.  As a bonus, it's poster is not exactly accurate, featuring characters that look nothing like they do in the film.  Truth in advertising!  To find out whether or not to watch this film (on Streaming, btw) or not, read on...

Over the Credits, we learn that Hunters brought down the Boars' food supply, leading them to hunt humans. Okay.

After that, the off-screen Boar kills a guy after defiling a grave.  When the Police find the body, pratfalls ensue.  No, really.

In the main plot, a Cop is transferred from Seoul to a small village.  Holy Hot Fuzz, Batman!

The second death occurs when a young woman is attacked by the Boar, escapes, gets hit by a car, dumped back by the drunk drivers and then killed.  The pay-off...never comes.

While the movie is obsessed with random B-Plots and side characters, they finally realize that murders have occurred and investigate.  Hurray.

Here's something random: this weird Witch lady shows up a bunch of times, but does nothing.  Thanks?

After the Boar finally shows up officially, a bunch of Hunters show up to take it out.  To action, camouflage-clad comrades!

They manage to kill the beast.  Movie over.

Yeah, right.  Did anyone fall for this?  If you did, turn in your Get to Watch Movies Badge!

Yeah, that's more like it.  Kudos for the set piece too.  A bit obvious, but obvious works here.

In a bit right out of Jaws (homage maybe), the group goes out to hunt the beast and engages in stories.  Sadly, they don't also compare tattoos like in The Return of Swamp Thing.  No film is perfect though.

I won't SPOIL the big climax of the film, since this is...interesting.  I'm not sure how good it is, but it is interesting.  The End.

Here's my review of Chawz in one word: odd.  The good: a neat premise, a cast of characters that are interesting and a good plot as whole.  The bad: confusing tone, oddball pacing and not the best CG.  I could probably just end there, but maybe I should elaborate.  First, I liked the plot.  It was mostly Razorback (only they reversed the grandfather dying with the granddaughter dying), but it was still good.  It was interesting to see the monster be killed in the same kind of location that the monster in Razorback was too- the comparisons pile up!  It's a shame that the Granddaughter isn't as cute as the blond from that movie (also from The Road Warrior).  The characters are very weird and wacky, but I can't say that they were stock.  The bad parts involve those same characters- they feel like they belong in another film.  They're characters right out of a super-wacky, South Korean Comedy without monsters.  It's jarring at times and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  The bottom line is this: this is a confusing Horror-Comedy.  It won't be for everyone, but it certainly is...interesting.  That's both the most clear and most vague way that I can say it.  Take us away, random psychic dog...

Next up, a review of films that have been occupying my Instant Queue for months.  First up, I learn not to tease a Dwarf if I know Stella Star.  Stay tuned...

Mario Party Jr: Macabre

Can the son ever be as good as the father?  Obviously in my case, the answer is 'yes.'  Self-boasting aside, let's look at today's film Macabre.  It's the debut film of Lamberto Bava, although even he admits its origin is sketchy.  As he says in an Interview on the DVD- thanks, Anchor Bay-, him and three friends wrote the Screenplay as a joke (of sorts) after hearing a weird story from America.  America- good for inspiring obscure horror film plots since 1776!  The plot is a weird one, escalating very quickly and then...just kind of meandering to a finish.  It's one thing to be a slow film- see Let Sleeping Corpses Lie-, but it's another thing to be a film that starts dramatically and then just grinds to a halt.  Imagine a James Bond film that begins with the Action Set Piece Opener cliche, only to be followed by 80 minutes of James Bond investigating the inner-workings of MI-6 a la Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.  That would be weird, right?  That said, the movie is quite interesting.  To find out how it can be both, read on...

Like I said, this movie is supposedly inspired by a real story.  I'm sure that the Director of Dinner With A Vampire to do a true story justice.

In the beginning, a woman leaves her two kids at home with the token black gardener to have an affair.  The daughter knows that she's hiding something...somehow and has a logical solution to get her attention...

Drowning her brother in the bathtub!  Yeah, that's a logical reaction.

Oh and the pay-off to this comes at the end.  Kind of odd that the Police didn't solve this one right away.

On the way back home, she freaks out and her secret lover crashes the car, killing him.

After this, the movie jumps ahead 1 year and...turns into a Tennessee Williams play.  You think I'm kidding, don't you?

 Since the affair obviously came to light, our heroine moves into...the building where she was having the affair.  At the same time, she's trying to get back with her husband- who only has two real scenes- and her murdering daughter- who nobody caught.

Skipping ahead, she teases the guy who owns the building, who just so happens to be the brother of the guy she was screwing.  She fails to make up with her husband, but finds solace in some mysterious thing in her refrigerator.

Since I'm just flat-out telling you the plot, it sets up this new Meme I thought up today...

Here's the last third of the film in quick succession...

The thing in the Refrigerator is her lover's head.  She takes it out every night to...well, you figure it out.

Her daughter keeps coming over and finally tells her about how she killed her brother.  This leads her mother to kill her in the bathtub.  Ironic?

The dripping water wakes up the blind brother and he struggles with our head-keeping heroine, who falls face-first into...something on her oven...I think and dies.

To wrap shit up, the blind brother walks over to the bed and...is killed by the head of his brother leaping at his neck.  You were trying to outdo Pieces, weren't you?  The End.

It's slow as hell...but it is still good.  The film is supposedly-inspired by a real newspaper headline about a woman having a torrid affair with the decapitated head of her former-lover.  If that's remotely-true, it's very creepy.  That does raise my biggest issue with this film- unexplained events.  The movie says that our heroine went crazy after the boyfriend died and was locked up in an Asylum for about a year.  Apparently, she took his head, ran all of the way back to the Apartment Building, stuck it in the Refrigerator and got herself put away.  I should also mention that the blind guy supposedly had the power off for a long time, since, well, lights don't do him much good anyhow.  In comparison, the daughter never being found out as the killer is a minute error!  It was the twist ending to Mindhunters, so that's something.  If you can accept those inconsistencies, the movie is a great kind of slow-burn horror film.  I was beginning to think that I made a mistake labeling this as Horror for this week's reviews...but then everything came together.  It really does feel like someone turned a Tennessee Williams play into a horror film, which is especially interesting considering that it came from an Italian Director!  In place of a joke, i'll leave you with this inexplicable title card from the end of the film...

Next up, I'm not doing Vampiros...since it wasn't interesting.  Instead of that or the other film I had planned, it's something else!  Stay tuned...

Mario Party: Kill, Baby...Kill

I won't mock this classic.  Today's film is Kill, Baby...Kill, a film by the great Mario Bava.  I love me some Italian Maestros of Horror, be it Bava or Argento.  We'll actually get to the younger Bava next- just be patient.  Before you ask, this is not the sequel to Faster, Pussycat...Kill, Kill!  I know- I was surprised too.  It's a horror film that seems to set up dozens that would come to pass in the future.  Did they all copy this film?  I'm not saying that.  However, you can see the influence that it must have had on cinema for the next forty-odd years.  The film is a tale of murder in a small village and a few people's quest to find out the cause. That cause ends up being something that would most certainly show up in other horror films- many of which are actually from Asia.  If you haven't seen this film yet, go see it and THEN read this review.  When you come back, read on...

The movie begins strongly with a woman falling to her death after being followed by a mysterious shadow.

Our hero arrives to help solve the case, bringing this awesome high-angle shot along with him.

The man on the right is the Inspector and he's going to solve this case.  Well, he would if he was actually the lead.

What do the murders have to do with this mysterious lady in her messy house?  Keep reading to find out!

Hey, Inspector- how's the investigation going?

...oh, I see.  Well, at least you managed to protect this girl from being killed by an evil spirit...

...oh, never mind.  Well, it turns out that the killer is the vengeful spirit of a young girl.  Try to spot her in this creepy version of Where's Waldo?, readers.

As it turns out, the Mother of the young girl is a Medium and summons the girl to attack the town.  Her reason: the town 'let her die.'

Seem familiar, Slasher Movie Fans?

In The End, our hero manages to save the heroine- who is the sister of the dead girl to boot- and another Medium sacrifices herself to stop the evil woman.  How this actually happened is never explained?  The End.

Inexplicable Bangkok Dangerous death aside, this is a great flick.  It does come with a caveat- this is old-school, Gothic Horror.  If you love those kinds of films, it's a must-see.  If you're just into gore and kills, you really won't get that.  The film is all about Bava's strengths: cinematography, the use of colors and heaps of atmosphere.  All of that is on display here, as I'm sure you picked up from the Screen Caps.  The movie's plot is a bit stodgy, but it's a representation of its time period.  The heroine could be more proactive- granted.  The hero could have more personality- I'll give you that.  Bava, however, focused on what he felt was important.  As I said, this film is a product of its era overall, but clearly inspired so much more.  How many vengeful spirits have we seen grace the silver screen since this film?  How much does the Mother remind you of Mrs. Voorhees?  How many films about a town's long-held secret being their downfall have you watched?  Hell, even the look of the girl reminds me of so many 'evil kid' films that I've seen.  How much it directly-inspired those films is certainly up for debate, but I just found it neat to see a film that seemed to.  If you haven't seen this film yet, I implore you once again to check it out.  Will this crazy camera angle help?

Next up, Lamberto Bava steps up to the plate with a 'true tale.'  It's a weird, weird movie about love and...body parts.  Stay tuned...