Bail Bond: Goldfinger (1964)

 One last Bond before October spirits take over!

This is Goldfinger, the 3rd and arguably the most famous of Sean Connery's Bond Films.

It has it all- a Shirley Bassey Theme, a great Intro, that one lady covered in that stuff, Pussy Galore and more.

Guy Hamilton takes over the Directing Duties for the first of FOUR Bond Films (with more planned, but I'll get to that later).  Does he make things even better?

The Plot involves Auric Goldfinger and his elaborate plan to get even wealthier via an atom bomb in Kentucky.  It will make sense- mostly- later.

Is this the new peak of Bond?
To find out, read on...

In our Cold Open, Bond makes his first transition from wetsuit to fancy suit as he takes out some drugs that were going to be smuggled.

Afterwards, he hits on a lady, fights some guys and kills a guy with a lamp.

After the iconic Opening, we get lovely shots of the Fontainbleau Hotel in Miami (still open btw) and...some less than convincing Rear Projection Shots of our Actors (since Connery and Gert Frobe were never in Miami!).

Bond is hired to observe Goldfinger, but makes him lose a game of cards AND sleeps with his Assistant instead.

The next morning, Bond is knocked out by a stealthy guy (which gets sillier when you realize who did it) and his new lady is smothered to death in gold paint.

Yes, Snopes- we all know that this didn't really happen and couldn't happen.

Enjoy the Austin Powers-style Nudity blocking though.

Back at Base, we get a double whammy of Bond Requirements.

Bond meets with Q in his lab, where we see many gadgets in the background.
We also see Bond's iconic Aston Martin for the first time, which is outfitted with spy gadgets.

Thanks for inspiring Spy Hunter.

Bond meets up with Goldfinger again when the Government learns that he's up to something evil.

It involves smuggling and then melting gold across the World.

Until then, Bond will force a fat, orange guy who is bad at Golf (and cheats) to lose.

Bedminster is nice these days, eh?

If I'm being honest, this whole Subplot involving the Sister of the lady killed via gold paint is pretty pointless- in the Film version.

She tries to kill Goldfinger twice, fails and then is killed unceremoniously by Oddjob before Act 2 ends.

Bond is captured and we get the famous Laser Scene, at least.

Bond negotiates his life by acting like he is too dangerous to kill, since 008 would have all of his intel.

So he's spared and meets Pussy Galore, whose name is given an even more 'on the nose' response in the Book.

She seems to resist his charms and keeps him under control (or so she thinks) while Goldfinger plans his big mission.

His plan involves getting lots of money for tech from some mobsters...and then killing them.

He uses that to gas the soldiers guarding Fort Knox, break in (with the laser) and then irradiate the gold, therefore increasing his own gold's value.

Bond is left to die with the bomb and fights Oddjob, going for what looks like a Jumping Tornado DDT from this still frame.

It's sadly not that cool.

He eventually defeats Oddjob (not easily though) and the bomb is defused with 3 seconds to go...I mean 7 seconds (changed in post-production for a fun 007 gag).

Oh and Galore didn't really kill the Soldiers, turned to good by the power of Bond's....manhood, I guess.

Of course, Bond Villains/Henchman get one last hurrah, so Goldfinger is killed on the Plane transporting Bond home by being sucked out the window.

The End.

A very enjoyable Bond Film that seems to hit all of the right notes.

This one fully consolidates the ideas and visuals into a 'true Bond' Film.  All of the pieces are finally in place.

We get fun action.  We get a globe-trotting Plot.  We get a famous Villain AND a more famous Henchman.

By the way, if you played Oddjob, you suck.  You know why!

Does the Plot make much sense?  Does it feature quite a few holes?  Yes...and?

This really is a classic Bond Film, with all of the fun stuff and all of the dated stuff.
Bond quipping after killing henchman- fun.  Bond forcing himself on women- not so much.

Goldfinger is as good, silly and fun as you remember it being.

Now...I just have to explain to Bond why I have to skip his next Film for a month or so...

He didn't take it well.

Next up, it is October and Horror takes focus.  Let me start with...oh right, there's an Elm Street Film I've missed.  Stay tuned...

Shudder Day: Mosquito (1994)

 I'm still on a '90s kick on Shudder and this is a subject near and dear to a Floridian.

I hate regular Mosquitos, so this is truly a nightmare!

An Alien Space Ship passes by Earth.

For no clear reason, it crashes instead of landing.

The outstretched arm of an alien is inviting for some Mosquitos...

...which causes them to grow super-sized!

They begin to attack the people nearby.

We follow a handful of Characters in this one.

A young Couple goes there on Vacation, the lady being into studying animals.
A lazy Park Ranger.
A Scientist who is here to find a meteor in the area.

A trio...oops, a pair of criminals who get stuck in the wrong place today.

The giant mosquitos attack people, going for blood.

I mean...they are mosquitos.

The group struggle to find the source of the mutation and to survive the night.

Our Scientist proves to be a strong leader and survivor.

That's good...

...because this just turns into Night of the Living Dead, just with giant Mosquitos.

Is this an improvement?
You decide.

This Film has no surprises per se, but I won't SPOIL it for you if you want to check it out.

The End.

A very enjoyable Film, as long as you are in the mood for something silly, strange and ridiculous.

The pitch- Alien Blood makes Giant Mosquitos that kill people in the middle of the Wilderness.

What were you expecting?

This comes from a Director named Gary Jones, whose super common name belies how many Films of his I've apparently watched.  Stuff like Planet Raptor, Axe Giant, Boogeyman 3, Escape from Death Block 13 to Ballistica- none of them exactly Classics. 

This one is fun, with stop motion effects and big rubber Mosquitos doing the heavy lifting.

The Plot is adequate, but don't watch it just for that.  You'll watch this if you want to watch big Mosquitos get blasted and folks get sucked.

It also works in a very 'subtle' reference to another Horror Film...

A fun Film if you're into '90s low-budget VFX (like stop motion).  Just know that there's lots of 'dumb' comedy in the build-up.

Streaming Standard: Space Monster Wangmawi (1967)

 A once lost Film from South Korea?
A giant Monster?
Just the silliest of silly effects?

I'm in!

Somewhere in Space, these Aliens are looking for a Planet to conquer.

Apparently, they made a monster that will grow in the right atmosphere and they looked around until they found one.

Are they the Neptune Men?

They found Earth and they do just that.

Sure enough, their normal sized monster (human height) grows (off-screen) as they drop it down to Earth.

It attacks South Korea, since I guess Japan was busy.

The appearance of a giant Monster interrupts a young lady's plan to get married tomorrow.

Life sure is hard!

She flees from the City with her Mother.

As bad luck would have it, the Monster grabs her...for some reason.

Someone wants to be King Kong!

The Monster stomps around, sometimes smashing buildings, but never making sparks come out of power lines.

Meanwhile, the Film follows a bunch of random people, like a pair of half-drunk guys and a Child Tramp.

Said Tramp jumps onto the creature as it nears the roof he is on.

He does the logical thing- he climbs into its ear, cuts through the ear drum and starts wreaking havoc.

This kid...is insane and badass.

He wounds the creature for a bit and crawls down the back of it, disabling the control pack that the Aliens are using on it.

He is finally grabbed by the creature, but the Fiancée manages to swing by on his parachute, getting them away before the Air Force blows up the creature.

They walk off into the Sunset...although it is Black and White, so who knows?  The End.

A pretty fun Film, but the focus sure is all over the map.

A giant Monster is on the rampage!  Aliens are attacking the Earth!

Cool- I want to follow these random morons around for a bit!
Does this Film need ADHD Medication?

They spend lots of time focusing on the Fiancée and Bride...and then nothing.  There are the Tramps...and they're gone.

This random, very violent kid sure takes the focus and the Film is better for it.

Space Monster is definitely a Comedy...most of the time.

A Film that can somehow feature a giant Monster, aliens, melodrama and also this guy pretending to take a s**t near a crowd sure is...something.

A Film that is enjoyable, but it also sure is strange!  If you're into a Film that is all over the place, this is your Movie!

Streaming Standard: Bionic Showdown- The Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman (1989)

 Get ready for THREE times the slow-motion running to that 'dee-dee-dee-dee' sound.

This is Bionic Showdown (I'll stick with this truncated version), a 1989 TV Movie that was also a Backdoor Pilot.
I guess this is Pilot Wings too, eh?

In 1987 (about a decade after the Shows ended), a TV Movie reunited the 2 Stars.  It was a hit and this Sequel was made.
This was setting up a new TV Show (which I'll get to), but that never came to pass.

It goes in the Failed Pilot Section of my mind alongside The Greatest American Heroine and Kung Fu: The Next Generation.

Even if this didn't go anywhere, should you care?  Well, yes.  A future Star and Oscar Winner is the subject of said Pilot attempt, so let's bend right into...

Our 2 Heroes are working together- since the last Film- and they are getting close.

Lee Majors is going to spend the whole time working up the nerve to ask her to marry him, which sets up the 1994 follow-up (of sorts).

Elsewhere, a young woman named Kate (who was paralyzed due to an unnamed disorder) was chosen to be the next 6 Million Dollar Person.

This is...is that...yes, it is indeed Sandra Bullock.

A mysterious man attacks the OSI base and takes some intel.

He seems to have Bionic Powers, something that only 4 known people have (our Leads and Majors' offscreen kid).

As such, our Leads are under suspicion and therefore escape the facility.

A bomb- seemingly designed to kill Steve- seemingly paralyzes their Boss' son, which sets up a B-Plot.

The three Bionic People work together to figure out what is going on, using the tenuous clues.

The Bionic Stranger (not his official Title) breaks in and kidnaps the Boss, who recently quit when they wouldn't bionically enhance his son.

Bullock is a longtime friend of the Son, which sets up their romantic B-Plot.

The irony is that he was friends with her when she was paralyzed and now, he is.

Not all irony is funny, kids.

The OSI figures out that the Intel is related to the World Unity Games, an Olympic-style event.

They put Kate undercover in the Games and she's working with an OSI Agent named Devlin.

It is Geraint Wyn Davies, so he's obviously the bad guy.

In spite of being attacked on the first Night of the Games, Kate still keeps working.

Meanwhile, the other Bionic folks try to find the missing Boss, who was kidnapped by two That Guy Actors.

She ultimately sees Davies plan in motion (a bomb and he has the detonator), so she jumps into action to stop him.

In spite of taking a shot put to the stomach, Davies has a big fight with Bullock.

She ends up tossing him off of the roof, still not knowing who made him bionic.

Now I can't wait to see her in action...

Oh right.  
The End.

A pretty enjoyable TV Movie, even if it relies pretty heavily on nostalgia.

This kind of thing was very common in the 80s, of course, with Perry Mason returning for TV Movies, along with The Brady Bunch, Kojak, Get Smart and more.

The Film tries to balance that, featuring the Leads in strong, supporting Roles, and a new Heroine for a new (not to be) Series.  It is a bit off-balance at first, but it gets there.

For better or worse, she is the one with the newer Bionics and a younger body (she's 25 and 15 years younger respectively).  Her bionic run has a neat little blur effect, which was somewhat reused for The Flash a bit later. 

They still help out, but it is her adventure, and she is clearly set up for more to come.  Alas, no.

Apparently the 1987 reunion Film was also a Backdoor Pilot, but it isn't on Peacock (nor is the 1994 Film).  I guess I'll find that one somewhere later.

As it stands, it is a decent adventure that will please fans of the Show and leave them wanting more.
Kudos to the Internet for someone saving this Newspaper Article about the Film using a real Hospital for Bullock's Bionic Installation Scene...

Did they spell it 'Bulloch?'

Is this only available to stream due to Bullock?  Probably.  Should you see it for that?  Yes.

Bail Bond: From Russia with Love (1963)

 We're off to the races with Bond Films now!

This is From Russia with Love, the first Bond Sequel.  It is actually the 5th Book.
Thankfully, I'm not insane enough to do these Reviews in BOOK Release Order.

(I might do an alternate compilation of it later)

In any event, Bond is back and now he's fully targeted by SPECTRE, who he made an enemy of by killing Dr. No.  This differentiates itself from the Book's Plot, which is actually about SMERSH and connected to Russia.

This is similar to how Marvel made the first Captain America Film about him fighting Hydra, as opposed to, well, you know.

Will this Film give us the final Bond Tropes we need?  Is this really the best one?
To find out, read on...

In a Cold (War) Open, Bond is wandering around a Maze when he's attacked by an enemy agent (played by Robert Shaw).

This turns out to be a double, as this is a SPECTRE training mission.

After the Credits, we learn that Bond is targeted by SPECTRE and its #1- Blofeld.

He's actually played by the same Actor who was Dr. No's Henchman last Film, but we don't see his face and he's dubbed, so whatever.

The plan involves luring Bond to meet with a Russian Agent who wants to break away to the West with their codes and a decoder.

This is a lie, of course...and also he knows it.

In spite of that, he's as sure to go as this Film is to cut all but the most subtle of lesbian subtext from the Book...

Our first Q Scene!

He gives Bond all of his Gadgets (his briefcase, a folding rifle and other gadgets) for the mission and then peaces out.

I've missed you.

Right after that, we get the first Bond and Moneypenny Flirt Scene.

There was a hint last Film, but it is here for us to enjoy in full now.

Bond goes on his mission and meets up with the woman.

This is the last Film to feature Bond's Girlfriend (in his first Scene).

It's a good thing, since...

Throughout the Film, Shaw keeps an eye on Bond, even killing a guy to save him earlier.

This is all about getting Bond to the intel and THEN besting him.

He gets close to him by pretending to be Bond's contact, but ends up being choked out by his own petard...I mean, garotte.

Bond and his lady escape the Orient Express (which literally changed it route in 1962) and danger follows.

He has to take out a chasing helicopter (an homage to how Cary Grant nearly played Bond!) and then a bunch of SPECTRE boats in pursuit.

They go to Venice (conveniently where Blofeld also is) and all seems well...until the Russian Agent takes one last shot.

She tries to shoot Bond and then kill him with his poison-bladed shoe.
In the Book, his possible death is teased.
In the Film, he survives to totally stay with his new girlfriend.

The End.

A really good Bond Film that ups the ante!

This one has a stronger Spy Plot, a great Villain, a great Henchman, a fresh location and great action.
Connery is great here as well, with his presence truly shining here.

The Plot is just complicated enough to work here, without quite getting convoluted.  The real Locales help out.

That said, we get some odd filler, a pointless catfight and a dated gag involving a Bob Hope Movie Poster.
Not everything is solid gold.

Getting past the little things, Shaw and Bond's face-off and the final Action Scenes make it totally worth it.  The fights and explosions- so good!

Dated aspects taken in stride, this one works so good.  Now if only I could explain why Bond chose NOT to shoot this one bad guy (before and after shooting around a dozen folks).

Boop.

Next up, Goldfinger makes his debut.  Will we get the final form of a Classic Bond Film now?  Stay tuned...

Shudder Day: Tales from the Crypt- Bordello of Blood (1996)

 Considering that there are only two of these (not counting the original Tales from the Crypt Film) and they are both on Shudder, I might as well.

Stifle your disdain for Dennis Miller as I check out...

The Film actually begins WITHOUT the Cryptkeeper.

Instead, we see some folks dig up a Tomb and reveal Lilith (presumably the one that people claim is from the Bible) the First Vampire.

The lead guy- Phil Fondacaro- revives her...

She looks like a Zombie Clown here.

...and now we see the Cryptkeeper.  Weird.

He makes a bet with a Mummy (as you do) played by William Sadler (the Lead from the last Film).

In the actual Story, a jerk- Corey Feldman- and his buddy go to a Brothel.

Plot Twist- it is the same Vampire from the first part!

After some time, we learn that he's missing.

The Sister- Erika Eleniak- reluctantly goes to a Detective (Dennis Miller) for help.

He bugs the friends (including the Suit Actor for Raphael in Turtles III!) before he happens to meet the same guy in the same Bar that invited the Brother and pals to the Brothel.

What luck!

At said Brothel, the girls kill the men and Lilith gets first dibs.

She also kills the recruiter, who was apparently being slowly turned into a Vampire...I guess.

End of Plot Thread.

Miller, of course, works the case and discovers the truth eventually.

He...takes it well.

The Plot also involves a Preacher- Chris Sarandon- who is actually in control of Lilith.

Something something killing sinners and all that.

Given the disconnect between the Opening and the Feature, you can see how this Plot Point is a bit confusing, no?

Miller is confronted by Lilith and now knows what he has to do.

Off-screen, he gets a Super Soaker full of Holy Water and gets into action.
Cue 'Ballroom Blitz!'

Can he stop Lilith?
Does Chris Sarandon turn into a Vampire again?

Will we get a good payoff to the bit with the Mummy?

To find out, stream the Film now.

A pretty fun Film, but, for me, it is in spite of Dennis Miller's antics.

Apparently, there was lots of drama making this one, between its Director having to commute from LA to Vancouver between making this and the Show, Dennis Miller being a dick or the whole Schedule being adjusted to make the Host happy.

Yeah, he was still doing his HBO Show at the time.  Mind you, I read about Shaq learning his lines, playing in the NBA AND prepping for the Olympics at the same time, so... 

I just didn't care for him here.  He feels like he's trying to make you laugh, which is not the most organic way to play a Character.  None of it just feels organic.

Thankfully, most of the rest of the Cast tries way harder and is generally more interesting.

The Plot is just kind of a muddy mess, which is explainable.

This is a Spec Script from 'the 2 Bobs' (Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis) in 1973.  They just hired 2 guys to then make this into a Film in like 3 weeks.

The biggest thing here- timing.  This one got released in August 1996, which is 7 months after From Dusk Til Dawn came out, so...yeah.

I still enjoyed the practical effects and overall tone.  Too bad this bombed and the Series ended here.

Even this bit is a retread of Episode 72.

A Film with many flaws, but it is still kind of fun.  There's just not enough there and it can't match up to another 1996 Vampire Film.