AWESOME Cover Art: Godzilla vs. Destoroyah

I came across this one online.  It appears to be the poster for 1995's Godzilla vs. Destoroyah.

It is not the most famous of the Godzilla movie out there- as it ended the 1990s Heisei Series-, but it gave us this...

Damn!  That.  Is.  Awesome.

Godzilla appears to be fighting the giant, mutated version of the villain from Legend while the Sun explodes behind him.  Sold!

Godzilla Comics: That Time That Spider-Man Met Godzilla

Godzilla- a name that strikes fear in the hearts of Japanese people everywhere.  Yet in the 1970s, you could see him for only 35 cents!

In this look at the Marvel Godzilla Comics, we see one of the last shots of the King.  His Guest: Spider-Man!

Well, to be honest, it's not so much a Guest-Star as...

...it is that Spider-Man was required to show up, but does nothing.  It's essentially what Wolverine did in the 1990s and...Spider-Man does now...again.

Just for fun: let's see what happens when Japan gets their shot at tackling Spider-Man.  It only seems fair since we mucked up Godzilla...

Yeah, that's about what I expected.

Oh and if you're wondering if I'm posted this to take advantage of the release of The Amazing Spider-Man 2- you're correct.

Cinco De Grapplo: Mystery in Bermuda (aka Misterio en las Bermudas)

Celebrate Mexican Independence with El Santo!  Truth be told, I've owned this Movie for a long time.  In fact, I *technically* reviewed it in the very early days of Mondo Bizarro.  It was a one-paragraph review that told you nothing about the Film.  Let's remedy that, shall we?  Today's film is Mystery in Bermuda, a quirky little tale of murder, international intrigue and...people who live in the Bermuda Triangle.  Yeah, this one is a bit odd, to say the least.  Basically, our heroes go to the Bermuda area and get dragged into a plot involving a Princess who must sign a Treaty to make peace.  On top of that, there's a B-Plot involving a secret society of Scientists who live in the Bermuda Triangle.  What does that have to do with anything?  I won't SPOIL it just yet.  You will the 'final' Film with El Santo, Blue Demon and WWE Hall of Famer Mil Mascaras together.  If that's not enough for you, well take another shot of Tequila.  To find out what the hell is going on here, read on...

The film opens with...some guy and his friend fishing.  Some Mystery!

He apparently sets this whole thing up by saying that El Santo and company disappeared some time ago.  Okay...

After some cheesy footage of a Storm and crashing water in a Sound Stage, we see the Luchador trio in the ring.  This is the best action you get.

It is short, awkward and goofy (as Santo and Demon were over 55 at this point!).  Think about that for a moment, won't you?

The trio hang around by the pool until they get called to an important meeting.  They are called to help with the security of the Princess of Irania (possibly an issue with the Subtitles).  Makes sense to me!

On the opposite side, we see a group of people trying to stop the signing of said Treaty.  They include a trio of ladies who work to get close to our heroes.

As it turns out, their sneaky plans amount to little.  Seems like they were just padding this out or something...

The whole plot with the teleporting Scientists from the Bermuda Triangle- it adds nothing.  It helps liven the shaggy dog of a Script though.

The issue: they have nothing to do with anything.  Santo and company never meet or are aware of these people.  They appear to just be added to cash in on the 'Bermuda Triangle Mystery' trend of the time (see Cardona Jr's The Bermuda Triangle).

To pepper up the loose and confusing plot(s), we get a bunch of random fight scenes.  I totally didn't plan how this shot lined up- it just happened!

Yadda yadda yadda more fighting yadda yadda yadda random murders.  They are nice enough to pad this out with slow chase scenes (a la Mitchell) and the most awkward fighting since The Guy From Harlem.

Seriously, why do Wrestlers usually do SO bad at Movie Fight Scenes?  Weird.

After leaving the Princess alone and nearly getting her killed, she *almost* defeats the remaining hitman (or hit man in the Subtitles)...but has to be saved.  Thanks, casual Sexism!

The Treaty is signed and the day is saved.  Unfortunately...

...they didn't survive...or something, since they had already committed to this stupid tie-in already.  Weird way to do that.  The End.

This could have been much less crappy.  The Story- pretty standard, but workable.  Unfortunately, it is paced so randomly that it is hard to follow.  On top of that, the shoehorning of the Bermuda plot just makes it confusing.  I had to go back and recheck the Ending to make sense of it.  The heroes save the day...but disappeared forever off-camera.  Who made this film- Godfrey Ho?!?  On top of that, the Acting is...oh man, the Acting.  To be fair, it is a film Starring El Santo, Blue Demon and Mil Mascaras- what do you expect?  Everyone else is not that great, which is surely not helped by the Dialogue.  Can you say 'forced?'  If you can't, I will make you!  The whole thing is hard to judge as a whole, since it is such an awkward mix.  The connection between the two Plots is the Fisherman- who appears twice with the gang- and a lady kidnapped by the Bermuda Gang (and never mentioned again).  The worst thing you can say about this movie is that it is not even best one on the Disc.  While it lacks El Santo, The Champions of Justice is just plain goofy fun.  Hell, it is not even the silliest thing in the package.  That honor still goes to the 'Inspiration for the film NACHO LIBRE Starring Jack Black' on the front of my blue (not black?) DVD this is from.  What?  Huh?  As a final thought, if your Prop Gun won't fire, just shake it back and forth like the guy in the blue jacket.

Next up, I tackle a cheesy Horror Film to tie in to a Kid's Film.  It will make sense eventually.  Stay tuned... 

Use the 4th: 4 Big Questions Raised by The Star Wars Holiday Special

Yes, this thing.  I could use this now-Holiday to talk about great Star Wars moments, but...nah.

Thanks to Rifftrax, I finally got this thing.  Is watching it with their hilarious Commentary the same as enduring this bizarre piece of TV History normally?  No.  So what?

Rather than reviewing it outright, I'd rather look at a few things that still stand out as being strange, even thirty-plus years later.  How many?  Let's go with...4.  That seems fitting.

1. Why No Subtitles?

This seems like a fair question, right?  For those who haven't seen this, the Wookie family of Chewbacca 'talks' alot, but we never know what they say.  The most we get is the 'I'll respond to what you said and announce it for the audience' cliche.

Oh and if anyone says 'They never put Subtitles up for Chewbacca,' that is true.  However, these are THE MAIN CHARACTERS and we never know what they say.  The fact that everyone else does is actually *more* annoying.

Seriously, just have them talk in their weird grunts (if you must) and let us know what they were saying!

2.Why All The Interludes?

Yes, I know that this was an attempt to be a 'Variety Show.'  Even so, this thing has some serious ADD!

It feels like the Writers could only think of a really short Narrative, but still had to fill a set time.  As such, they said 'Let's continually stop the Narrative for random Musical Numbers and dancing!'  Cocaine is a hell of a drug (or so I'm told).

3. Did Lucas Really Plan All of This Out?

The general conceit is that this whole thing- for the most part- was planned out from the beginning.  Lucas had a vision.

Of course, we also know now that some elements were not in some versions of the Script.  For example, a rewrite for Empire wasn't available when said Writer, well, died.  As such, work was done on the Draft by others (like Lucas) and that got us stuff like 'I am your Father.'

Why I ask is because Boba Fett officially appears first in a Cartoon watched DURING THE SPECIAL by a Character in it.  Someone made a Cartoon of a Star Wars adventure in their world?  If so, why reveal that Fett is evil in it?  This is probably the smallest question about this scenario, I admit.

4. Harvey Korman- Why?!?

I love Harvey.  He was hysterical.  Blazing Saddles is how I first 'met' him and it is still my favorite memory of his work (although History of the World, Part 1 is good too).

As for why he was Cast, I get it.  He was quite famous at the time for The Carol Burnett Show.  Besides, they needed good Comedians like him and Art Carney to 'make this work.'  It still doesn't, but it works *better* than it would have otherwise.

My question is why Harvey signed on.  Did you want to be in Star Wars this badly?

Did you?

Did you?!?!?

That's all I have for this weird thing.  I got a great laugh out of the Rifftrax Version (available here).  If you are going to watch this thing (which you should at least once), I highly-recommend this format.  It helps alot!

As for me, it will join The He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special as part of my yearly tradition.  Enjoy your Internet Holiday.  Live long and prosper.

Eh, close enough.

Project Terrible: Mac and Me

The Round where nobody wins but the reader is back again.  It's Terrible time...

Well, it's about time that I get to this one.  Today's film is Mac and Me, the Film selected for me by Michele (who loves Horror).  Since I watch anything and everything, she gave me this oft-mocked 80s anti-classic.  The Film is basically E.T., but made by a less-talented Director, with a lower-budget (or so it seems), with a less-talented Writer (who is also the Director) and just generally-sillier.  If you don't know Mac and Me, then you have never seen Paul Rudd appear on Conan O'Brien's many shows.  He loves that one clip, apparently.  The Film is about a young Alien or Mysterious Alien Creature (get it?!?) who ends up with a kid and his family, since...Spielberg.  He is pursued by the Government (kind of), while his family seeks him on Earth.  In essence, it is E.T. and Nukie, a different rip-off of the former Movie.  Don't you remember Seinfeld- you don't double-dip!  So, the question is this: is this movie Terrible?  While there is obviously no question that it is bad, we have to see if it truly, truly bad.  To find out, read on...

On some unnamed Planet (I'm too bored to check), these freaky things are living in...peace, I guess.  There seems to literally just be the four of them.

Are they the last of their kind or some sort of criminals banned from their society?  Who knows?

Anyhow, a probe from Earth arrives and...sucks them up in a vacuum.  I have several questions...or I would if I gave a shit.  Physics!

They get shipped to Earth and then escape.  However, the little one gets separated and ends up hiding in a car.

Said car belongs to Eric and his family.  They are from Illinois- they wear Jerseys to help identify this at all times- and don't fit in around this 'wacky' California.  That's the extent of the drama until the MAC starts doing stuff.

When in doubt, only think of one thing for a Script at a time.  It's easier that way.

MAC starts making havoc, but then makes up for it later by cleaning up the place.  In a moment that is supposed to be cute, but is actually weird, MAC leaves flowers everywhere, including on Eric's pillow.

I'm surely reading more into this than is meant, but leaving a flower on a kid's pillow- creepy!

You know what is also 'good, family fun?'  Why it is putting kids in mortal danger, naturally!

Seriously, there's a scene where they suck MAC in a vacuum (is that his Kryptonite?), only for his alien powers to cause it to drive all around the room- even across the ceiling.  Family fun!

I can't review Mac and Me without mentioning the pointless dance number at a McDonalds.  It is goofy and shameless.

Here's something that you may not know however: it is not a real McDonalds.  It was apparently a fake Restaurant built to both train new Employees and shoot Commercials.

Sorry to all of you who wanted to eat at the McDonalds from Mac and me- it was fake and no is no longer there.  Right, creepy Ronald?

Skipping ahead, the gang finds the rest of the family- joy.  I really missed their giant, creepy bodies.

Skipping further ahead, they accidentally cause a shoot-out (don't ask), which leads to an explosion...somehow and Eric dies.  Since we're ripping off E.T., they save him.

Dare I say it?  I dare!  It is a Deus Ex MAChina!!!  

In a bit that must irk Republicans nowadays, the Aliens are granted INSTANT CITIZENSHIP and stay on Earth to take jobs from Earthlings.  Ironically, this Film came out the year AFTER John McCain got elected to the Senate.

The Film truly Ends with a(n ultimately meaningless) threat...

Yeah, it's as bad as everyone says.  I will give it points for commitment.  Mind you, it is commitment to ripping off parts of E.T. and Nukie to make...this thing.  Never mind the fact that it is a bit late to the party.  E.T. came out about six years earlier!  I can only suppose that big sales on VHS in the ensuing years is the reason for this thing.  As a fun side-note, this film was so bad that Ronald McDonald himself was nominated for a Razzie for Best New Star!  I guess the folks behind those awards didn't want to mock the actually-paralyzed kid who plays Eric so overtly.  They had no problem with the Director- who also made Croc, Passenger 57, The Ice Pirates and Mannequin Two: On The Move- who actually 'Won' for Worst Director!  The film is ultimately-harmless though- save for that bit with the flower and the scene of Eric crashing off of a cliff, that is- and just a bad product of its time.  Is it bad?  No doubt.  Is it Terrible?  Nah.  If nothing else, it has given us a running gag for Paul Rudd and a great look at how commercial the 1980s could get.  Speaking of commercial, its Distributor is one of the film's casualties (going out of business in 1998)...

Next up, a special look at a TV 'classic' in honor of this new 'Holiday.'  Sorry, George.  Stay tuned...

Old School TV: Tales of Tomorrow- The Search for the Flying Saucer

Let's step in the Wayback Machine for a trip back to the year 1951 with one of the many...

It's the 1950's, so it is only natural to talk about Flying Saucers.  It's important to remember that this Episode aired about 3 years after the famous Roswell Incident.  I do want to remind you that this was the very first Science-Fiction TV Show (in the infancy of Television itself).  I know that I've mentioned this before, but I shouldn't assume that nobody starts reading this site at any point.  The reason bring it up: there's no Special Effects.  Shows like this were done as basically Live Stage-Plays.  Hell, the Three-Camera Set-Up was still years away at this point.  With all that said, I can tell you that this Episode is about...well, I think you can figure it out.

A man comes to a small, desert Town after some stories about Flying Saucers were printed in Newspapers (those things that eventually became Websites, Millennials!).  He says that he is a Newspaper Reporter, which makes this lady and her Proto-Torgo.

He goes around Town- early TV Montage!-, but doesn't get any answers.  The people don't want to talk to a random Reporter, it seems.

Faster than you can say 'This show is only twenty-minutes, so we have to rush things,' our Hero and the Hotel Owner Woman fall in love.  There must be a catch.

As it turns out, he is not a Reporter.  He's actually a man from the Air Force who was discharged for claiming that he saw Flying Saucers.  What a twist!

Fortunately, Proto-Torgo agrees to take him out to where some Saucers have been seen at night.

Since this is getting too dramatic, how about a word from our Sponsors?  Ladies- would you like a watch band with a lady who looks kind of like Marilyn Monroe?

I bet you do.  Back to the Show...

Sudden Love Interest tells him that he shouldn't go.  He tells her that he has some proof: a piece of metal from some Saucer debris.  He tells her that he still has to go out.

Later that night, the man who talked to our Hero earlier shows up to confront Sudden Love Interest.  He reveals- to us- that him and all of the people in town- save for Proto-Torgo.  He tells her that the man is getting too close and must be killed.

She counters by saying that he sent the piece of metal to a Military Base to be tested.  When they find out what it is, the humans- us- will have proof.

He says that they must leave then and he goes off to prepare.  She breaks down crying as he leaves, revealing that she still had the metal piece.  She saved him at the expense of her own happiness.  The End.

Honestly, it was better than I expected.  After The Dune Rollers (still a good Episode, mind you), I was wary of anything to really do with Aliens on this show.  This is pre-Star Trek (by a Decade or so), so I knew that we wouldn't get any interesting-looking creatures.  In this case, they made very much out of very little.  You get no weird Aliens.  You get no lasers/sci-fi devices.  Hell, you don't get any actual Saucers!  That said, it has some nice, emotional resonance.  Considering that I saw this Episode a couple of weeks ago now, the fact that I can still remember how I felt about the Ending says alot.  The obvious issues are the low-budget, small scale and rushed nature of the story-telling.  All of that is related to how and when the Show was made though.  There are no real problems that they could control- e.c. bad Acting, etc.- that really stand out.  Like any of these Episodes, it is important to watch it in context.  Just think of it like watching the original Star Trek show after watching the recent Films.  Yes, the Effects are nowhere near comparable, but the quality is still there.  If you would like to see how Sci-Fi Television really got its start, I highly-suggest that you check out any DVDs of Tales of Tomorrow or the Episodes on Archive.org- it's worth it.  Isn't that right, Proto-Torgo?

Up next, it might be the end of the World as we know it (in 1951).  Leonard Bernstein?  Stay tuned...

R.I.P. Alfred and Eddie Valiant

Yet another two pieces of childhood is gone.  Such is life, I suppose.

I am sad to report that Efrem Zimbalist Jr. has passed away at age 95.

The man had a very long and illustrious Career.  The most notable role to people of my generation is that of Alfred Pennyworth on Batman: The Animated Series.  He portrayed the Character in later iterations as well, including Justice League, Static Shock (future Forgotten Toon?) and Direct-to-DVD Movies like Mystery of the Batwoman.

In addition, there was the very recent passing of Bob Hoskins at age 71.

He also made an amazing Career, most notably Who Framed Roger Rabbit? in the 90s.  He kept active until health issues forced him to retire.  His numerous fans (like myself) will miss him and his legacy will be remembered forever.

R.I.P. Gentlemen.

***As a side-note, all of the famous 'Alfred' Actors now- save for Michael Caine- are dead.  That's a weird thought, right?***

Godzilla Comics: That Time Godzilla Confronted J. Jonah Jameson

Since all things Godzilla are getting to be big with the release of the new Movie (still torn on it), I thought it would be interesting to highlight some moments from the 1970's Marvel Comic.

Plus, it is a good way to get traffic.  I'm all about the Visitor Count, y'all!

First up, a moment from one of the later issues.  Godzilla is loose in NYC (years before that OTHER American Godzilla Film from the 90s) and stops to pay a visit to the Daily Bugle.

The best part: Jameson's response.  It is truly classic.

Awesome.

It makes me hope that something like this happens in the new Film.  Maybe they got J.K. Simmons to film a Cameo before his 'I'm a blind guy' Show on NBC.

A man can dream, right?