Lazenby is out. Connery is in... again.
This is Diamonds are Forever, the 1971 Feature that serves as Connery's send-off. For real this time- honest!
He's certainly not going to come back in a random Film in the '80s. No, sir!
With Connery back (after Burt Reynolds and Adam West turned it down), the Plot continues off of the last Film- continuing to screw up the Book Continuity.
What kind of dork reads Books that became Movies though?
A mysterious billionaire is doing something strange involving diamonds, so Bond must go to America to deal with it. What happens in Vegas, does not stay in Vegas this time!
Can Bond save the day in the US of A? Will this be a fitting send off for the original Bond (or 2nd if you're a real nerd)?
To find out, read on...
In the Cold Open, Bond beats up/kills some folks to get to Blofeld. Remember that he killed his Wife in
the last Film.
Bond kills him and returns to base.
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| He was also killed in that Film, so his track record is terrible! |
He's briefed by M about an issue across the Ocean involving diamonds.
Many are going missing and some chicanery is afoot.
Off to Holland, Bond!
Meanwhile, a pair of hitmen named Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint are killing those that could tie up the loose ends, from a Dentist to a dealer.
Famously the Effects Budget was cut to make up for Connery's $1.25 million fee.
Can you tell?
He has to work undercover as a Diamond Trafficker and ends up aligned with Tiffany.
She's hesitant, but persuaded to help when the other Bond Girl (Plenty O'Toole) is killed when mistaken for her.
Also, Bond slaps her with a glove, because Connery.
They track the diamonds and the whole operation to a mysterious Mr. Whyte, an enigmatic billionaire that nobody ever sees (clearly based on Howard Hughes).
Bond learns that it involves lasers, but then has to escape the building in a Moon Buggy...on their fake Moon Landing Set.
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| Trolling Flat Earthers back in 1971. |
Since we are in the '70s, we get some more Car Chases.
Specifically, this one edges *just* into silly territory when Bond turns the car on its side wheels to escape down an alley (and somehow reverses it too!).
Apparently, the Director (who was British) hated American Cars, so enjoyed smashing them here.
Bond breaks into Whyte's Building and learns the truth.
Blofeld is actually alive- Bond killed one of his doubles.
He's been impersonating Whyte as part of his big plan and has one double left.
He's launched over a Satellite with his new laser on it. He's going to hold the World ransom.
The only way to stop him- switch the tape that apparently programs the targeting.
No, really.
There's a whole big fight and Bond crashes Blofeld (or his double?) into the base to destroy it.
In the Epilogue, he's on a cruise back with Tiffany when Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd try to kill him.
He douses one in fire (who is now wearing gloves) and kills the other with his own bomb.
The End.
A fun Film, but it is not clear if this is trying to be somewhat satirical or not.
The Plot- a massive rewrite from the actual Book by Tom Mankiewicz- is kind of very silly. Blofeld steals diamonds to make a laser for his satellite.
If you are younger and saw Austin Powers Films without seeing these, you'd feel like things fit right in.
There's even a guy doing the Launch Countdown a la the 2nd AP Film.
That's not to say it is a bad Plot- just kind of silly.
I'm just not clear if the Filmmakers are leaning into that or it is pure coincidence.
There's still plenty of action and one-liners. Connery isn't the most vibrant here, but he also said that he spent every waking hour NOT Filming in the Casinos, so he might have just been hired.
In many ways, this was intentionally a callback to Goldfinger (with Shirley Bassey doing the Theme and the US Setting) and it nearly feature Gert Frobe back as Auric's twin!
For better or worse, this is a shallower Bond Film, but good fun. Isn't that right, Sid Haig?
Next up, I'm going to take a Bond break until 2026 when we get to my favorite Bond. Until then, let me check out some Films from my past as a Theater Employee in 2005-6. Stay tuned...
