Monday, April 30, 2012

Action Crap: Knock-Off

Are you a fan of over-Edited crap?  If so, I have the film for you.  First, some film back-story.  Tsui Hark is a very accomplished Director from China.  While I'm not a fan of all of his films- I'm looking at you, Vampire Hunters-, they're usually fun.  Like a lot of international Directors, attempts were made to have him become successful in America.  The result- Double Team.  Yeah, that film that stars Jean Claude Van-Damme and Dennis Rodman.  Not content with that amazing failure, he also Directed this movie.  In place of Rodman, there is Rob Schneider.  Rob Schneider- a strong example that some things should remain in the '90s.  How can the guy who made the Once Upon A Time in China films make something like this?  Lots of money and, I'm guessing, threats against his life.  The plot involves knock-off artists in China that get caught up in an international conspiracy.  With too many leads, stupid camera angles and annoying Editing, this one is a serious mess.  To find out how much, read on...
In the intro, a Chinese cop tries to catch some doll smugglers.  After an over-Edited action scene, things go awry and he dives away, a green explosion.  Weird.
 Our heroes are Van-Damme and Schneider.  They sell knock-off clothes and toys.  They get in an over-Edited fight scene involving some random thugs and a Chinese lady cop (Lead #4).
Eventually, Van-Damme learns that Schneider is working for the C.I.A. and they are after some watch batteries..I mean, high-tech McGuffins.
The plot is pretty throw-away at this point.  It's just a bunch of action scenes loosely-tied together.  Nice GTA stunt.
Schneider and another Agent (Lead #5) are captured by the villain behind this whole scheme- Paul Sorvino. Yes, he blew up a giant statue to fake his death...and then reveals his identity before the plot is wrapped up. You should really read Watchmen, fella!
The finale involves the two Chinese heroes vying for attention while the other three take the lion's share of it. Naturally, we get a giant explosion.
However, Sorvino somehow escapes the giant explosion- with seconds to do so- and plans his final assault.

As it turns out, though, our heroes accidentally kill him by pressing a detonator left behind.  No, really.  The End.
Seriously, stop using those stupid camera angles.  This movie is a big, loud mess of a film.  It almost makes you feel dumber for having seen it.  The plot is extremely-basic- bad guys make bombs & good guys stop them- but they try to make it seem like more.  Putting in three extra Leads doesn't help.  Forcing in all sorts of silly, prop comedy doesn't help.  Showing a bullet from the perspective of the gun's barrel definitely doesn't help!  There is at least a dozen of these stupid camera angles that do nothing for the film as a whole.  Does a book seem more interesting if you keep holding it in different ways?  No.  Does a painting look better if you watch constantly spin?  Again, no.  Was any of this necessary?  Hell no!  This whole movie is just a bizarre experiment.  Is it an action movie?  Is it a comedy?  Is it an artistic experiment?  Yes- to all three.  In the end, it is really-annoying at times and really-generic in the rest.  Take us away, pointless camera angle...
Up next, May begins with a good Werewolf movie.  Don't worry- the rest of them will be crap.  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. I did warn you! Those camera tricks are just incredibly annoying. O_O